Stories - FD Thornton

Our little country home I just finished supper, nothing fancy just some baby lima beans with some ham and rice. After supper I was half-watching PTI and thought is there anything more satisfying than a full belly? The other day we were over at our daughter and son-in-law’s house, it was the late afternoon and they were preparing their supper. While supper was going our grandbaby was getting a little fussy. So our daughter came over and picked up the monkey and fed her. After she had her fill, she quickly passed out in our youngin’s arms.  Thinking about this, I had to ask myself how funny life is; that for so long we considered ourselves lacking; lacking in material comfort, lacking in the latest trends, lacking in the good things of life. For a long time I used to think this way, but as time turning my brown hair grey, I began to realize how little material things really meant to me. One of gifts this rural life has granted me is the chance to take life at a more leisurely pace

After taking care of some business this morning and going on my morning walk; I was sitting here thinking about a topic for this post. Another one of my morning routines is longing in on a website that I subscribe to for people with my conditions. Over the past few years this site has helped me in so many ways, with help, information, and a place to voice my victories and defeats. The reason I bring this up is to say no one is an island, and despite how strong we may think we are; at some point we all need help.  Last year before my heart attack I was a stubbornly proud, independent, not wanting to depend on anyone. I mean there were so many people depending on me, I had to be strong. After finally a week of chest pain and difficulty breathing I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. If you’ve read any of my past posts on the subject you know my adventure well. From being someone who looked after themselves to needing help going to the restroom, was quite an adjustment. I h

Jekyll Island Georgia As much as I'd hate to admit it, I've been feeling pretty good the last few days. I've been sleeping better, the weathers been really nice, and my body is adjusting to the walks I've been taking each day. All and all not a bad week, just the kind of week they should print postcards for saying, “Wish you were here” .  But enough about my glam life ( if you only knew ), I've mentioned a few times, my emotional state comes in waves. And at the moment the waves are calm allowing me to go about my day very peacefully. Oddly enough, being in a good place can jam my creative spark. I'm sure you've heard it before; that an "artist" can lose their "mojo" when there's no conflict going on.  To a point I believe that's true. In my own live I tend to create less when I’m enjoying myself. But I would also say there are times when I've written inspired words even when I'm in a "good place" . Th

I never thought I’d grow older and become one of those people that always talks about, “remember when” . Well I was sitting here a few minutes ago unwrapping a Mary Jane ( not the Colorado kind ) and it got me thinking about penny candy. When I think about penny candy, I think about my grandparents and their little mom and pop store Thornton’s Grocery. Located on 4th Street in Brunswick, Georgia going to our grandparents store was a nearly monthly treat. Not only did it mean going on a road trip, but it also meant for a weekend we got to play around the store. Plus if dad was in the mood we also got go to Jekyll Island. So even though the trip made me car sick as hell, me and my brother and sister still had fun. That was especially true when at the end of our visit we were rewarded with a 25¢ worth of candy.  If you’re under a certain age you may be thinking, “That’s not much candy” . But back in the day, when some candy was three pieces for a penny ( Yes, three for a penny! ); i

Wheeler Co. Courthouse - Alamo, Georgia While I do a lot communicating via social media, honestly I’m a bit of a recluse. But recently I have been interacting more with people on my neighborhood since I started taking morning and afternoon walks. What I’ve discovered during my walks is that while people are pretty friendly and polite, they sure do complain a lot. It seems that just beyond a polite exchange about the weather, most folks aren’t happy with anything. Lord knows I don’t want this to sound like I don’t complain about stuff, because I do. It’s just that when I do get the opportunity to speak face to face. I don’t wish to waste my words hating on politicians, the neighbor’s dog; or people who don’t look, act, dress, or smell just like me. The really sad part is once the conversation aims in that direction, I end up bitching as much as them. Which at the end of the conversation ends up leaving my mouth tasting like I just drank castor oil (ask your grandmother). In a go

Afternoon everyone. This morning I was checking the hits on my various social sites. My reason for doing that is to see how hits on my sites convert to book sells. Remember I do have two eBooks for sale at Amazon.com . ( Hey, dudes gotta eat .) Still while checking my stats I wondered to myself, “Am I measuring my self-worth by the number of hits I get?” I mean it’s a valid question. For those of us whose livelihood is measured by sales measuring success this way can be a slippery slope. I’ll be the first one to tell you, if life were measured by how well you sell stuff. I would be poor indeed. You’d think ( or at least I do ) that I should be a pretty damn good salesperson. At least that’s what every sales manager has ever told me ( which may answer a bunch of questions ). In reality I suck at it. I quit trying to figure out why a long time ago. Now I’m at the point where it doesn’t bother me as much, because I love what am doing now so much. But you know what that maybe

Dodge Co Georgia PFA For the past few weeks I've been spending some time working on my latest book project. The book is taking on an interesting feel. The direction I want to go is looking back at my youth and how those experiences have shaped my present life. I'm not a therapist, but I'm curious to see where my thoughts take the story.  Sharing my story has been a problem of mine for years. It hasn't been till recently that I'm able to open up to more than just a few people. For way too long I internalized everything, because for years I thought I would be embarrassed and ashamed to show my vulnerability to anyone. What I've learned is by telling my story; I'm actually releasing myself of the pain I experienced.   Holding on to the pain and regrets of life can create a pressure cooker within us. If you don’t give yourself a release for that pressure it builds and builds, until eventually it explodes. By giving yourself a relief valve you can take th

Not My Family If there is one thing most everyone can agree on, it’s how crazy our families can be. To others our family members can appear to be normal, but we know better. It seems no matter how well we may be put together our personally and professionally lives; somewhere in the family closet there’s always a Michael Lohan or Caitlyn Jenner . The old saying goes, “You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family” , is so true. So all you do is buy a ticket, enjoy the ride, and hope no one see's you throw-up.   Fortunately, for me my parents were pretty low-key.  It wasn’t until I got married and started added to the brood that the fun really began. I don’t want to sound like I’m hating on my in-laws ( both pair ), but the questions you get asked, and the things you can hear. Well, you know what I mean. To be fair they are and were good loving people who accepted me into their homes. So if being a part of the family requires you to take on a little crazy, why not?

Southern Pine Straw & Cones In the south I grew up in hearing someone say, “That’s a hot mess” , is nothing strange. In fact it’s a pretty common thing to hear, especially when you got crazy happening all around you. I’ve noticed while writing these posts I can focus and condense my thoughts; condensing them to the point that I can make myself sound pretty damn smart. But in reality a good chunk of the time my life I’m just another hot mess .  I remember as a kid, my dad and I would burn the straw we raked ( mind you, this was the 1970’s ). After setting the straw pile on fire, it was me and my little brother and sister’s job to stump out the little grass fires that would spout up around the pile. So we’d stand there and wait for a little tuff of grass to catch fire. But just as soon they stomped one fire another one would pop up. Life has a funny way of doing the same thing by having us stomp out little fires. And just when you’d think you got it all under control, up pops

My Potted Wild Rose  It’s hard to believe this day is going by so fast, considering I’ve only been up a few hours. Last night wasn't too bad a night, but I did sleep in till about 10 am. I got up smelling a little funky so I took a bath and even shaved. To some of you that may sound like an odd statement to make. But to some of us that suffer from anxiety/depression it may not sound surprising at all. Not entirely sure why I bring the subject up, other than to illustrate how feeling fresh always seems to get me going. And that sitting around and fermenting leaves me in the mood to do just that, sit around and ferment. But all joking aside, depression isn't something to play with for too long.  For a long time I suffered greatly with depression. Even today, I have my bouts with depressed feelings like I did a few days ago. What I've learned for myself is that fighting depression usually only avoids the inevitable. So I learned to just "ride the tide" and wa

I laid down one afternoon and was listening to the Chick Corea Trio, when a stray thought crossed my mind. How strange would it be to a number of people I know to discover I love Jazz? In this information centric world in which we now live, just how much do we know about the people around us? And, would that information change our attitudes about them? I recall a while back I was sent to a therapist to help me with my anxiety issues. Now I’d be the first one to tell you, I put up fronts when it comes to new people, even therapist. One day we were having a session and I made one of my cynical remarks about something. Anyway, the reply I got from him took me aback. He replied, “Do you always put up a wall of intellect? Or are you just trying to be something you’re not?” For a moment I was speechless and then I thought to myself, “What’s wrong with me trying to better myself?” I suppose the point he was making was about my evading his questions with my cynical remarks. But at the

A few nights ago I was listening to the old AC/DC rock anthem “Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution” . And for whatever reason it got me thinking about noise and the distractions we put up with every day. For me there are two kinds of noise pollution that I identify with, the first being noise in general. This consists of the noise of the city, the noise of heavy equipment running, and the chatter of the everyday work-away-world. Then there’s the noise that crowds our minds, the voices from the past, the voices of the present, and the voices of the future. Each in its own way is a distraction to our peace of mind and spirit.   As I have gotten older, I’ve noticed my tolerance for noise has sharply dropped off. At one time I could drive down the road with my sound system blaring as load as it would go. I could wear my headphones; have the radio playing, and the TV going, all at the same time, while doing my homework. ( Which may account for my stellar grades back then .) Now I hardl

I just love how pharmaceutical companies scare the hell out of you with their ads. You know what I’m talking about, like the one that plays the song Tomorrow . Then goes on to tell you without there medicine you may not see anyone tomorrows. Man I tell you what, that’s a heck of a way to get people to use your product. I suppose I can see scare tactics used being used in some situations, like smoking prevention or wearing your seat belt. But using fear mongering as a tactic to just sway public perception can push ethical boundaries. Fear is a strong emotion and using people’s fears and anxieties is an age old strategy used by marketers, political groups, and others. As someone who lives with Panic Disorder, I feel a bit of a twinge when I see ads using this tactic. For one I feel bad for those that are being conned into something that’s highly improbable. But also I am deeply disappointed by others who know better, but still allow themselves to believe a half-truth.  Grandma alw

Puʻu ʻŌʻō Eruption 1983 - USGS.gov   My tolerance for outside pressure is not what it used to be. So after a day where I’m pushed a lot mentally or physically, I usually have to take a break. Yesterday was one of those kinda days. Where what should have been simple tasks ended up taking way more time and effort to get done. It’s not so much that I’m complaining or bitching about any one situation. It’s just a fact in my current state that I don’t contain pressure like I used to do.  Years back to be honest, I wasn’t much better at handling pressure either. My reaction to pressure back then was to bottle things up, kinda like shutting off the release value. And if you’ve ever dealt with pressurized gas, that’s not a good thing, because at some point something’s gotta give. But that’s how I did it putting up a stoic face no matter the situation. I suppose it was something I taught myself to do with all the bullying and verbal abuse.  But a while back that tank blew, and since the

©2016 Rebecca Thornton My wife and I spent the morning with our youngest daughter and the grandbaby. It is our daughter's birthday and she mentioned how it is her birthday, yet we were only paying attention to the baby . I replied to her that I hadn't a birthday cake since her oldest sister was born. And that when they were little, I believe my parents had even forgotten my name. So enjoy parenthood, cause it’s got nothing to do with you. There's nothing like the good natured (?) ribbing you can receive from your family. If no one else has ever seen you at your worst, your friends and family surely have. So while my messing with our daughter was tainted with a touch of humor. Many of us get insulted and abused verbally from no fault of our own. While with age comes some wisdom, the shadows of the past can still haunt our days. It is up to us to look deeply within ourselves and learn to love the person inside us. Each day I have to remind myself that I am worth the

I wasn't planning on posting anything today. I had another rough night last night (getting up and coughing), so today I was just going to chill and leave the laptop alone. For the past few months my little Ford Ranger has been running poorly. But this week I had the money saved up to get the old girl fixed. Today is grocery shopping day so Lisa and I decided to give the truck a long text run. Needless to say my anxiety was sky high all morning, but the truck drove very well and we had no problems. By the time we got home I was feeling pretty good and I decided to write this down. If for nothing else but to say, it’s sad how we sometimes allow anxiety to rob us of the simplest things.  You see, I could have remained unnerved about how the truck would run and let my mind take me to all kinds of places. But it was a leap of faith that drove me to overcome my imagined fear. For a lot of us it's the fear of the fear that takes so much from us. A therapist once told me during a

Yesterday was a particularly rough day. For one it’s April, the sun was out, not a cloud in the sky, and the humidity was around 30%. For us sinus sufferers this means, pollen looking like snow falling during a winter’s storm. Working for myself gives me the leisure of giving myself the day-off, which I did. So I closed the bedroom door, pulling the covers over my head, and keeping the curtains drawn.  FYI, I feel a bit better today, although the lawn care guy did just start mowing my lawn, oh joy .   My reason for even bringing this up is most of us don’t have the opportunity to take the day-off. Many of you have a schedule to keep, which means, “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds” . Here is why businesses plaster the halls with affirmation posters like “seize the day” or the classic, “Hang in there baby” . Now I don’t really have anything against affirmations or kittens hanging from trees (

I try and not think of myself us one of the millions of individuals with a short attention span. Who get their information in easily digested sound bites. I like to think of myself as someone who looks hard at both sides of the coin. That being said, after a few minutes of hearing three “pundits” argue over which candidate got whose money. I had to turn the television off.  The media, our co-workers, and even our favorite crazy uncle  all have an opinion. But the opinion that matters most should be the one inside you. Most of us just want one thing, the truth. I hear enough ear candy from car ads and “one call that’s all” people that I can stand. To allow myself to listen to individuals with dog whistles thinking I’m nothing more than an obedient lap dog… no.  Folks we are smarter than this, to allow two equally corrupt groups to throw promises at us like teenagers in love. I believe it’s time for all of us to take a more proactive look at what’s really being done. Because frank

Jekyll Island - FD Thornton 2011  Good Afternoon. Sometimes the world has a way off throwing a bucket of cold water on an otherwise good day. Without boring you with the sad details of my errand running turned into one long drawn out panic attack. From the bank, to the drug store, to the grocery store, the morning was a long "little shop of horrors" .  Like I said, the world has a funny way of slapping you back to reality. I mean here I sit and write about the virtues of quieting your mind and putting your best foot forward. Yet there I was melting down like a candle in a firestorm. I suppose the question I have to ask myself is do the events of the day give me the excuse to beat myself down?  Despite the shame I may feel about my weakness; it still doesn't give me the right to abuse myself. While that may sound a bit weird, self-correction is one thing; self-abuse is a whole other animal. Yes I wasn't prepared for what the day brought and yes, I could have ha