High Risk Insight

It’s nearly 12 noon and I finally got a chance to go outside. Between answering messages and baking an apple cinnamon cake with brown sugar glaze (from scratch). It’s a wonder I got out this early. My oldest daughter (AKA: Nurse Ratchet) checked on me wanting to know what I needed from the store. Nothing much I said, just some butter and bread. I told her I could just go to the Dollar Store and get it myself. Which sent her into a 15-minute tirade on how I am in the “high risk category”.

I reckon I shouldn’t be so upset getting waiting on hand and foot. Five years ago, I was in a situation where I had no choice. It’s just that since then, I am often reminded just how dependent I still am. Anyway, it is what it is, so you get up, put on your big panties, and deal with it. For a really long time I was the one in charge. When disaster struck, I was the one to save the day. Between my son and my wife, I guess I still am. The rest of the kids have moved on creating lives of their own. But my little heart issue was a reminder, that not everything can be pushed down or tucked away.

Because of pride and my mental health issues, I pushed emotions like fear and self-hatred down. Sweeping them into a dark corner hoping they’d just go away. But between school, working a fledgling business, and doing pretty much everything else. The dam broke and for five days I could barely breathe, and while in the shower I lost my breath completely. So an ambulance was called, thus beginning my five-year affair with Meadows Regional Hospital. But don’t worry the damage was done. But my attitude towards self-preservation is a lot better. Still knowing I am not the person I once was is difficult. But like I said, you persevere. Don’t let pride or fear bring you down. Take a breath and look at your situation with your eyes wide open. Then pull up your panties (or diapers) and move on.