Kinda Sad, Ain't It

 

The rays of the morning sun are shining brightly through the particles of dust showering the room. Like tiny little white flakes of sunshine they dance on the air. Now you might say that’s a very poetic way to describe a nasty room that needs dusting or the fact that our HVAC filter needs changing. But such as it is, on this bright and cold December morning. Still I’m here chewing up the last of my gummy vitamins, a small reward for taking all my morning medication.

Last night I dreamed of frost covered cats and a hungry young family, that me and my wife fed out of there need. It appeared in the dream that we lived on top of a run down gas station in a small rural town. But the mother and her small children were appreciative of what we could give. While I warmed the half-frozen cats under the covers of our bed. I think the dream came out of our own experience of being a young and poor family. While the cats and the old cold home came from the last ten years of our lives.

But honestly I’m not going to take too much from the dream. Because sometimes tension is just tension, that needs to be released. And beside there seems to be a happy ending to the whole story with the feeding of the children and the warming of the cats. So I sit here and wait for the meds to kick in, while listening to the distant spinning of the spin cycle on the washer to end.

I don’t know why I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. In this long, unexpected dream we are currently living. I guess modern science would call it PTSD, where I would just call it experiencing “learned helplessness”. So while circumstances have improved in our lives, I still can’t help but keep these doomsday thoughts in the back of my head. If for nothing else but to have a back-up plan to any potential danger. It’s kinda sad, ain’t it? To live your  life running scared.  

#PTSD #empathy #IUnderstand #coping #sharing