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Compromise

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  After a little too much “Thump, Thump” from the parking lot last night, I finally went to sleep. I was then awakened by the ding on my phone with the bank telling me I wasn’t broke… yet. Getting up did a little manly maintenance then started my day. I thought about heading to the local state park, till I realized it’s the day before Easter and thought better of it. It’s not that I mind hearing little youngins hunting Easter eggs, as much as it’s the glare I get from the parents. All wondering what a old fat white guy is doing in the park all alone staring at their kids. I can’t say I blame them though, cause I would do the same thing. Anywho, I’m sitting here at my desk enjoying the relative quiet of the morning. Watching my neighbors shuffling back and too from the apartment building next door. I just got through posting the last story I worked on, and my mind isn’t really in any headspace. Just letting the noise of the box fan absorb the clutter, allowing these words to flow ...
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Too Busy

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Adobe Stock   After hours of navigating construction zones and oversized loads, I finally made it home. We signed paperwork for a young woman who hasn’t found herself yet, with a large tabby cat and a boyfriend wanting babies. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that at 64 I still ain’t figured nothing out. So I gave her the same old stick about my overachieving kids, leaving out the parts where I couldn’t help them one bit. Why spoil the life of a bright eyed kid, full of potential and student debt. I remember sitting in classrooms with young people, with so much hope and energy, while me and the instructors would laugh under our breath. Now as my own children settle into middle age, even their overachieving minds can’t help but see the doom and the greed. Just like my grandparents probably thought to themselves, energy and ambition is wasted on youth. So I sit here too tired to even make myself a sandwich or watch my soaps. Busy typing out thoughts that only a handful of you ...
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The Lights Stay On!

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Adobe Stock   Nothing can kill your inspiration quite like trying to pay bills while “robbing Peter to pay Paul”. All day today I’ve found myself playing “Wack-A-Mole” with utility bills, apartment rent, and loan payments. All while trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip, as my Grandma would say. Even now with most every option and angle worked out, I still find my head spinning with the wheeling and dealing I’ve had to do. But to my average reader I ain’t telling you anything you don’t already know. It’s just when you think you’re three moves ahead, something new comes along that drags you back to the starting gun. I hate talking about money, I wish my life by now were comfortable enough that what I made would be enough. But it never is, is it? Light bulbs go from costing $1 a piece to $4 with a promise of costing you least. To buying a pretty new shiny light up keyboard to help the strain on your glaucoma-laden eyes. I know I picked a shitty time to write anything right now, b...
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Umbilical Cord

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  For us it’s a Red Flag Day, which for us has nothing to do with the coast. But has everything to do with low humidity, high winds, and fire warnings in the area. But looking outside I don’t see anything but low hanging grey clouds and wind. But the forecast calls for partly cloudy skies and high winds, so there’s a risk for fire. Yesterday our youngest child began moving in some of his stuff from his former residence. So by the first of the month we’ll be one packed in family again. I can already see the strain creeping in, the outward disrespect he has for his mother and older brother. Traits that irritated me in the old house and I plan on stopping in the new house. The biggest irritant will we loosing my office and moving all my shit into the bedroom. So no more view of the pecan grove and hello to the apartment across the way. I’ll miss my morning sun, but I won’t miss the glare. It’s just a shame the morning view and opened windows will be lost to black out curtains and sing...
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Clearing The Cobwebs

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  I didn’t want to wake up in a foul mood. In fact I went to sleep after watching the only show my wife and I watch together. But around 3:30 in the morning I was awakened by the most realistic dream I’ve had in a while. It was so real that I’d rather not talk about it for fear of it coming true. Anyway knowing I had to get up to make a doctor’s appointment this morning, I tried to go back to bed. When I finally did go back to bed around 5:00, I woke up again to another more fantasy based dream. With the weather foggy as hell outside, I have some two hours before the appointment. So I hope by then to clear the cobwebs before heading to another boring 3-month checkup. After putting together my wife’s pill dispensers for the week, I make note of the pills she forgot to take for each day. I know I should keep up better with her pill count, but with that and planning and preparing the meals. Then making sure all of our son’s needs are met, I then have to make room for all of the othe...
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Background Noise

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  I watch the wind twist the branches of a young sapling embedded in the pecan tree, while the sun brightens to the golden hue of dawn. I hear the calls of a morning dove mixing with the morning traffic and flushing of upstairs toilets. Not everything can be the quiet call of the morning. So things are the compromises we make in order to live in a civil society. But if you exist long enough, those noises become nothing more than the background noise of life. As I sit at my desk the sun’s glow stretches out across the study walls, reflecting off the beige paint onto the black screen. But I don’t mind, it’s all just a part of my morning routine. Today is inspection day, where all the apartments receive an annual cleanliness inspection. Which basically amounts to checking to see if you have any drug paraphernalia or at the very least, see that your apartment don’t smell like weed. Which I feel is kind of silly, since the breezeway smells like a pot dispensary. But the things you put...
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Contradictions

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  For whatever reason, I’ve gotten into the habit of taking selfies of myself. I know I’m about thirty years too late to jump on the bandwagon of that fad. But I figured, why not? For far too long I had/have such a poor self-image of myself, I figured what a better way to break that taboo than to take a selfie. So above the story is my latest selfie, wearing a favorite pink shirt, comfortable teal T-shirt. Although you can’t see them I’m wearing grey sweats and my favorite tie on sneakers. If you notice on my wrist are two bracelets, one I made with my kids initials and another that tracks sea turtles. I normally don’t wear the bracelets much anymore, they usually stay on my desk. But today with the sort of island vibe my clothes were giving off, I figured I’d put them on. Even though I’m some 100 miles away from any ocean. I don’t swim, I have a primal fear of water. Something I’m sure I’ll carry till the day I die. I respect the water, and I’ve ridden a many a mile on transport...
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