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So Much More Complicated

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  Just sitting here killing time until I have to leave for yet another lab appointment this morning . This is one I do every quarter to mostly check my iron levels and my WBC, which are both low…duh . My General Practitioner informed me yesterday that I was also due for another sleep study this year . And that it’s that time of the year my wife goes for her annual trip for a mammogram . So my near empty calendar is now slowly filling up till Christmas Time . God knows why I’m telling any of you this shit . I mean each and every one of you have the same damn schedule with either your children or an elderly parent . So I know I am nothing special, just the average person juggling the ways of life in a capitalist society, between work and living . But isn’t it funny, how we live in a society where everything is supposed to be simpler, yet the whole thing seems so much more complicated ? It is now the next morning, and the lab work is already done . My wife’s in the bathroom throwi...
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Cliche'

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Image By: Sandra Saxon Burnsed   It’s almost cliché the way I get up every morning. As I get older the tasks are more predictable and routine. Unlike my younger years where there was no responsibility, or as a father and adult when I had a family to take care of. Today everything’s more routine and, shall I say, predictable? Still, I spend every first of the month paying bills and making sure money's moved around. Then I fill the Kia with fuel and hope it lasts for the month, as well as groceries and other things. I have to keep up with prescription refills and the ever-present doctor appointments, of which I have at least one or two every week. But such as it is for an office manager, secretary, accountant, chef, housekeeper, crisis manager, husband, father, grandfather, and friend (AKA…Caregiver). But in-between all that work, I do find time to feel sorry for myself I suppose. In-between all the other decisions I have to make during any given day. It’s really not a big deal a...
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All Over Again

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  Some questions simply shouldn’t be asked, especially when it comes to your health. I have six different specialists spread out over five different counties across an area that runs from Dublin to Mount Vernon, Vidalia, and Savannah, Georgia. And if that wasn’t bad enough, each prescribes different medications for my many different ailments—from chronic heart failure to kidney failure to IBS and type-2 diabetes. And that’s not counting diabetic retinopathy, chronic sinus issues, tooth decay, and various mental health issues. I’m sure you have read about each of these different ailments in my writing. But I’m not sure I’ve listed them all on one sheet of paper before. It’s a lot to keep up with, and frankly, it’s exhausting to even look at. All this comes along with being the caregiver to two other adults. But I compartmentalize things; that’s what I trained to do in college. So, to a point, my whole supposed career path was laid just so I could keep up with my own failing health...
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Your Only Hope

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 It’s a bright, sunny 80°F outside this morning with a few thinly veiled clouds high in the sky. I woke up late to a shout from the new ice maker we had installed in our fridge. Last night was not my best work when it came to sleep. I woke up several times to all kinds of haunts going on inside my head. Many of you who read my words see me as stoic and even-headed when it comes to life. But what many of you may not realize is that deep in my memory, I am still haunted by a past filled with fear and mental torment. I understand the overuse of psychological terms today. Concepts like trauma and PTSD are thrown around way more than they should be. I’m one of the last generation that was told to “suck it up, buttercup” during a crisis. But living for decades under the “physician, heal thyself” mentality, the skills I often use sometimes just don’t work. So right now, I’m going through a moment of anxiety and clinical depression, masking it all with that same old stoic face I’ve use...
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We Were Promised

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  I slept rough last night , I dreamed I was on a van being stuffed with people to go on a fun adventure. But we all knew by the way we were being stuffed into that van, that it was going to be anything but fun. Still I had trouble waking up from the dream, I knew I wanted to get out but I couldn’t, till I finally woke up and sat here. It’s a bright hazy day in the neighborhood, a total lack of kids outside playing still weirds me out. But I guess parents today are much different than we were, where we knew the neighbors and the kids could run free. Other than that, I suppose I’m feeling that entrapment again of being stuck in the apartment myself. With no money to go anywhere, not even to drive to the park because of the distance. There’s no place to sit outside around here, where parents look at you like some weirdo for sitting alone. Thankfully my wife doesn’t have to carry that burden, cause everybody loves her and kids approach her like a grandmother. I guess I just give o...
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God or No god

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  Well we got supper simmering in the pan, a simple combination of gold potatoes, celery, bell pepper, onions, and mushrooms with ground turkey and mushroom soup. with a pot of sticky rice warming next to it. It may not sound like much of a summertime meal. But with meat hovering at around $8 a pound, you do what you can do with the cheapest cuts. After a day and a weekend deciding between what groceries to buy, how much gas to put in the car, and buying medicine, this land of plenty is starting to look like a land of the privileged few. While the rest of “us” blame everybody but ourselves for the mess we are in. And before any of you get on your high horses and complain away, let’s all be grateful we still live in a land where we politely tolerate each other for now. But don’t worry your “revolution” is coming soon enough. But what it is that none of you realize is that it was never about white, black, tan, or yellow. It’s about rich and poor, and we already know who’s running...
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My Adventure

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 It’s a bright, sunny day outside. I’m finishing up taking my gummy vitamins, chewing very carefully in my damaged mouth . I’ve spent the last few days in a bloodbath with a leaking liver clot where my tooth once sat. My dentist wasn’t able to do anything about it , so she sent me to the ER to have them cauterize it. After an hour-long trip to the ER and a three-hour wait, they did nothing and sent me home with a pat on the back. They did tell me to make an appointment with my dentist and stop taking a blood thinner till then. To my dentist's credit, she did call me after hours on her personal phone to check on me. I told her the story of the ER, and she told me to be at her office at 8 AM Monday morning and to be careful till then. I’m trying not to be mad at anybody; I mean, I heard enough while I was in the ER. It’s just sad to see an understaffed ER get overwhelmed with cases that should be handled by a Family Doctor. But with our current pay-as-you-play, for-profit heal...
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