Posts

Compassionate Ear

Image
  It is bright as hell outside as I draw the curtains apart in my room; it was nearly 9:30 before I swallowed my first pill. I got up this morning at around 5:30, but I didn’t move from the bed till just a few minutes ago. My coffee has been sitting on my desk since 7 o’clock, but drinking it cold is nothing new to me. After playing phone tag with two different doctors in the same medical building, I’m sitting here watching the apartment maintenance man manhandle a dryer up the stairs. So it’s just another day in my neighborhood. Now it’s after 10 o’clock and I’ve barely got a paragraph written. Usually, by now, I’ve already posted something. But as I am learning already, this doesn’t look like an ordinary day. With more lab work needing to be done this afternoon, my mind is already on the clock. So I’m having a bit of a time focusing on a subject for this story. Still, earlier this morning I took the time to lay in bed and catch up on some of my social media replies. One in ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Notice Something

Image
Getty Images   It is a bright sunny summer morning out here in the badlands of Telfair County. I just got my morning pills swallowed and my vitamins chewed. Staring at this blinking cursor, the first thing I thought of was the bright sun reflecting off the pale green paint of the #100 apartment building next to us. Kinda wondering in my mind – was anybody from over there staring back? Who’s to say. I’m just sitting here pecking at the keys, just letting words casually float out of my brain. And if the words make any sense, well all the more better. I woke up to a friend who was on a certain social media app doing her normal live thing, rambling on about something and pulling tarot cards for hearts. Not that I’m much into Voodoo cards or anything, but she did pull one for me. I don’t remember which card it was, but she said I was anxious about a project. Which is kinda funny because I am mulling about with a project for an eBook later this year. Then I had a decent conversation ...
Post a Comment
Read more

So Much More Complicated

Image
  Just sitting here killing time until I have to leave for yet another lab appointment this morning . This is one I do every quarter to mostly check my iron levels and my WBC, which are both low…duh . My General Practitioner informed me yesterday that I was also due for another sleep study this year . And that it’s that time of the year my wife goes for her annual trip for a mammogram . So my near empty calendar is now slowly filling up till Christmas Time . God knows why I’m telling any of you this shit . I mean each and every one of you have the same damn schedule with either your children or an elderly parent . So I know I am nothing special, just the average person juggling the ways of life in a capitalist society, between work and living . But isn’t it funny, how we live in a society where everything is supposed to be simpler, yet the whole thing seems so much more complicated ? It is now the next morning, and the lab work is already done . My wife’s in the bathroom throwi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cliche'

Image
Image By: Sandra Saxon Burnsed   It’s almost cliché the way I get up every morning. As I get older the tasks are more predictable and routine. Unlike my younger years where there was no responsibility, or as a father and adult when I had a family to take care of. Today everything’s more routine and, shall I say, predictable? Still, I spend every first of the month paying bills and making sure money's moved around. Then I fill the Kia with fuel and hope it lasts for the month, as well as groceries and other things. I have to keep up with prescription refills and the ever-present doctor appointments, of which I have at least one or two every week. But such as it is for an office manager, secretary, accountant, chef, housekeeper, crisis manager, husband, father, grandfather, and friend (AKA…Caregiver). But in-between all that work, I do find time to feel sorry for myself I suppose. In-between all the other decisions I have to make during any given day. It’s really not a big deal a...
Post a Comment
Read more

All Over Again

Image
  Some questions simply shouldn’t be asked, especially when it comes to your health. I have six different specialists spread out over five different counties across an area that runs from Dublin to Mount Vernon, Vidalia, and Savannah, Georgia. And if that wasn’t bad enough, each prescribes different medications for my many different ailments—from chronic heart failure to kidney failure to IBS and type-2 diabetes. And that’s not counting diabetic retinopathy, chronic sinus issues, tooth decay, and various mental health issues. I’m sure you have read about each of these different ailments in my writing. But I’m not sure I’ve listed them all on one sheet of paper before. It’s a lot to keep up with, and frankly, it’s exhausting to even look at. All this comes along with being the caregiver to two other adults. But I compartmentalize things; that’s what I trained to do in college. So, to a point, my whole supposed career path was laid just so I could keep up with my own failing health...
Post a Comment
Read more

Your Only Hope

Image
 It’s a bright, sunny 80°F outside this morning with a few thinly veiled clouds high in the sky. I woke up late to a shout from the new ice maker we had installed in our fridge. Last night was not my best work when it came to sleep. I woke up several times to all kinds of haunts going on inside my head. Many of you who read my words see me as stoic and even-headed when it comes to life. But what many of you may not realize is that deep in my memory, I am still haunted by a past filled with fear and mental torment. I understand the overuse of psychological terms today. Concepts like trauma and PTSD are thrown around way more than they should be. I’m one of the last generation that was told to “suck it up, buttercup” during a crisis. But living for decades under the “physician, heal thyself” mentality, the skills I often use sometimes just don’t work. So right now, I’m going through a moment of anxiety and clinical depression, masking it all with that same old stoic face I’ve use...
Post a Comment
Read more

We Were Promised

Image
  I slept rough last night , I dreamed I was on a van being stuffed with people to go on a fun adventure. But we all knew by the way we were being stuffed into that van, that it was going to be anything but fun. Still I had trouble waking up from the dream, I knew I wanted to get out but I couldn’t, till I finally woke up and sat here. It’s a bright hazy day in the neighborhood, a total lack of kids outside playing still weirds me out. But I guess parents today are much different than we were, where we knew the neighbors and the kids could run free. Other than that, I suppose I’m feeling that entrapment again of being stuck in the apartment myself. With no money to go anywhere, not even to drive to the park because of the distance. There’s no place to sit outside around here, where parents look at you like some weirdo for sitting alone. Thankfully my wife doesn’t have to carry that burden, cause everybody loves her and kids approach her like a grandmother. I guess I just give o...
Post a Comment
Read more