Stories - FD Thornton

  I don’t know what happened last night, but I’m paying for it this morning. My upper back has done nothing but spazz out in sharp pains all morning. So I sit here in as proper a posture as I can manage, closing my eyes and relaxing. But those nerve endings behind my left shoulder blade refuse to listen. Just another pain among the many other pains I’ve collected in my nearly 64 years of sinning.  I just got back from the store where I got me some Gator-made to see if we can build up those electrolytes my endless pissing deplete. Funny how the one thing that’s supposed to save you, at the same time screws up something else. But it’s the trade-offs we make to keep our asses alive. I guess I could do like so many of my friends and put away the use of modern scientific know-how and let nature take its course. Or better yet hum my way to “natural health” when it was scientific observation that came up with those techniques anyway. So I sit here as chemically induced as I can...

  Boiling Eggs I hate being bothered, especially when I’m working on something. The main culprit that bothers me the most is these endless pop-up notices on my computer and phone. They just love to pester me with notices that I would much rather dismiss until I am finished. But No! Notification after notification of mindless bullshit continue to pop up. With my old cheap phone, I could easily block the annoying notices. But with my new so-called advanced phone, every time I block one notification another one pops up! Thus driving me crazy. So here I am talking about these annoyances instead of the more important things weighing on my mind, like clouds of self-doubt or mindless internal chatter. But in a way the two are connected, mainly because both can distract from your flow and peace of mind. But it’s easy to sit here at my desk and expound on all these great theories about clearing my head. But it don’t mean a damn thing until you can apply the practice to your daily li...

Getty Images   It is a bright sunny summer morning out here in the badlands of Telfair County. I just got my morning pills swallowed and my vitamins chewed. Staring at this blinking cursor, the first thing I thought of was the bright sun reflecting off the pale green paint of the #100 apartment building next to us. Kinda wondering in my mind – was anybody from over there staring back? Who’s to say. I’m just sitting here pecking at the keys, just letting words casually float out of my brain. And if the words make any sense, well all the more better. I woke up to a friend who was on a certain social media app doing her normal live thing, rambling on about something and pulling tarot cards for hearts. Not that I’m much into Voodoo cards or anything, but she did pull one for me. I don’t remember which card it was, but she said I was anxious about a project. Which is kinda funny because I am mulling about with a project for an eBook later this year. Then I had a decent conversation ...

  I slept rough last night , I dreamed I was on a van being stuffed with people to go on a fun adventure. But we all knew by the way we were being stuffed into that van, that it was going to be anything but fun. Still I had trouble waking up from the dream, I knew I wanted to get out but I couldn’t, till I finally woke up and sat here. It’s a bright hazy day in the neighborhood, a total lack of kids outside playing still weirds me out. But I guess parents today are much different than we were, where we knew the neighbors and the kids could run free. Other than that, I suppose I’m feeling that entrapment again of being stuck in the apartment myself. With no money to go anywhere, not even to drive to the park because of the distance. There’s no place to sit outside around here, where parents look at you like some weirdo for sitting alone. Thankfully my wife doesn’t have to carry that burden, cause everybody loves her and kids approach her like a grandmother. I guess I just give o...

  After three days, I finally get to start my day with my established routine. I find that as a retired person who’s also a caregiver, it’s important to establish routines. If for nothing else, it keeps your own ass sane. My son and my wife already have their established routines down pat, with my wife going to bed at 9:00 every evening and waking up at exactly 7 a.m. Since both of them can fix their own breakfasts, my main job is logistics, paying the bills, and getting them from one place to another. Sprinkle in reminders to bathe, clean your room, and get ready on time—and you pretty much have my day. Other than trying to keep my head on straight, I manage the pill dispensing, their doctor appointments, cooking most meals, taking them to get haircuts—you know, the usual stuff we take for granted. But after 39 years, it’s pretty much routine now. Of course, there are the setbacks, such as my time being in and out of the hospital or recuperating, and my own bouts with having a m...

  The shadows hang long over the apartment building across the way, but I slept well last night and woke up early, for me. I’m surprised by how little activity I see across the way, as far as people moving about. By now I’d see the frail old woman and her tiny dog walking the grounds. Or the young man in his hoodie in 80° weather waiting for his ride. But maybe I am a bit early for the day, with the sun just starting to climb. I finished my weekly responsibility of filling my bride’s pill caddies after fulfilling my own responsibility of taking my own meds. Life seems infinite in this long-winded cycle of rinse and repeat. Till you come across a child you haven’t seen in a while and realize how time passes so quickly and how much you have missed. But such as it is with cycles, they loop back into each other with such precision, that we don’t even pay attention anymore. So I do my best to shrink myself into a single space, kinda like I am doing right now. Focusing solely on this...

  Through the shadows on the curtains, I can hear the roar of a CSX horn blow from across the road—a long line of tracks that run north from Atlanta, south to Brunswick’s Ports. It’s been an exhausting few weeks, first with relentless rain and then the humid heat, complicated by the fact we’ve had to suffer two weeks without a refrigerator. ​ But beyond all that bullshit we put up with, presented to us by the faceless shareholders of a corporation, we now live in a country determined to bring back nostalgia, like it’s some comfortable chain to wear around our necks. ​ I remember when the country turned 200 years old. It was 1976 and I was in the ninth grade. Our former Governor Jimmy Carter was running for President against President Gerald R. Ford. We had just lived through our uncles and our big brothers fighting in Vietnam, then witnessing every day as soaps and game shows were interrupted by the Watergate Hearings. The grownups were mad and I was mad, because I had to liste...

  Done with all the usual. The vitamin gummy tastes good in my mouth after a job well done. Yesterday morning, I went to my Family NP to get an official blood pressure reading and some bloodwork done to check on my new medication and my lightheadedness. Well, the results came back, confirming her suspicions and diagnosis. So now, it’s just a waiting game and a bit more of being very careful when I move about. I hate sounding a bit paranoid about my health, but I am. However, I do my best not to water those seeds of fear as I used to in years past. By living in the present moment, there is a certain degree of awareness concerning your health and wellness. It’s not that I don’t fear death, but I’m also not ignorant of my quality of life. So, I do my best to keep myself as healthy as I can given my current situation. Life is about awareness and the quality of life you live. None of us want to be uncomfortable, I’m sure, but at what cost do we pursue that level of comfort? Over the...

  Chewing on my vitamin gummies, after taking a shower and downing my pills. A neighbor from the other building takes her little Frenchie out for a walk. While a daddy follows behind a toddler chasing the neighborhood cat who gladly stops and welcomes a rub. As for me I’m stuck behind these four walls much like McCartney, but stranded by my own choice. Now Granny, who am I kidding, Great-Granny has finished walking the dog and the cat from yesterday is stretched out on the sidewalk. Wearing my new uniform of a green plaid oxford shirt, an orange t-shirt, and grey shorts. I sit behind my table pretending to know the next thing I’m going to say. With little to no imagination I press the keys to entertain no one other than myself through a morning of anticipation and grace. Before I got out of bed I heard the anger of a new friend against a newly remade app. Listening to their frustration as my “Good Morning!” to them was being sent. But I understand the situation, for I have them ma...

  Well let’s see how this mornings going to turn out. Woke up about normal time, I slept through the night, did my normal morning business, and took my pills. Then I got my glucose meter ready by pulling it out of the bag and assembling the lancet and pulling out a test strip. I inserted the test strip into the meter, then shot the lancet into my finger, and yes I wiped with an alcohol pad. Then put the meter to the blood droplet and within a few seconds got my reading. I know all this is old school tech considering all the new fancy wearable meters out there. But when your Medicaid won’t pay for a fancy new meter you get what you can afford. So before you moan and cry about it, I’ve been doing it this way for well over 30 years, so I don’t even feel it anymore. But these are the sacrifices we make for good health. For 30 years I haven’t had to go on the insulin shots like my parents. I still take a combo of metformin and another product, and my GP is happy with my A1C, so why ch...

Finally Got A Haircut   Going To Do About It At 63 years old, nothing really surprises me anymore. Which in a way makes life kinda dull, but you take the good with the bad. Well yesterday afternoon while at a convenience store I was in line behind a rather unhealthy fellow not much younger than myself. He was buying a tall can of a Red Bull type of energy drink, which he immediately opened. Not having the right to judge considering my current state of unhealthiness, I felt bad for him considering I was in the same state a mere ten years ago. Back then I was an overweight, smoking, diabetic, that was totally stressed out. It took an act of fate and sheer luck to straighten me out. I am by no means perfect, I still need to lose about 50 more pounds, but I track my health religiously, I don’t smoke, and I stay away from caffeine. I still have irreparable damage to my heart, liver, back, and lungs but I get by. I suppose my thought on all this is that I was given a second chance, a...

Adobe Stock   After hours of navigating construction zones and oversized loads, I finally made it home. We signed paperwork for a young woman who hasn’t found herself yet, with a large tabby cat and a boyfriend wanting babies. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that at 64 I still ain’t figured nothing out. So I gave her the same old stick about my overachieving kids, leaving out the parts where I couldn’t help them one bit. Why spoil the life of a bright eyed kid, full of potential and student debt. I remember sitting in classrooms with young people, with so much hope and energy, while me and the instructors would laugh under our breath. Now as my own children settle into middle age, even their overachieving minds can’t help but see the doom and the greed. Just like my grandparents probably thought to themselves, energy and ambition is wasted on youth. So I sit here too tired to even make myself a sandwich or watch my soaps. Busy typing out thoughts that only a handful of you ...

  For whatever reason, I’ve gotten into the habit of taking selfies of myself. I know I’m about thirty years too late to jump on the bandwagon of that fad. But I figured, why not? For far too long I had/have such a poor self-image of myself, I figured what a better way to break that taboo than to take a selfie. So above the story is my latest selfie, wearing a favorite pink shirt, comfortable teal T-shirt. Although you can’t see them I’m wearing grey sweats and my favorite tie on sneakers. If you notice on my wrist are two bracelets, one I made with my kids initials and another that tracks sea turtles. I normally don’t wear the bracelets much anymore, they usually stay on my desk. But today with the sort of island vibe my clothes were giving off, I figured I’d put them on. Even though I’m some 100 miles away from any ocean. I don’t swim, I have a primal fear of water. Something I’m sure I’ll carry till the day I die. I respect the water, and I’ve ridden a many a mile on transport...

  What spiritual power, if any, pulls the soul down to the lowest of lows? Some might say your sign is in retrograde, or that God Almighty is just teaching you another lesson, or that your chakras are out of alignment once again. Each one would entail that you as a person are weak and fell out of grace with whatever you believe. But after 27 years of being diagnosed with chronic depression, GAD, and a myriad of other mental illnesses, I choose to believe that it’s more than just another bad day. Or that somehow the gods are upset with me. Being the cognitive creatures that we are, we love to find a label for everything. But sometimes even the deeper sciences can’t explain the mental warfare going on in our heads. Is it environment or genetics that causes us to be bat shit crazy sometimes? But why can’t it be both. I feel the environment along with inherited physical traits have brought me to this point in my life. And before you start to pity me and say, “I’m glad my genes aren’t t...

FD Thornton   With trembling hands and a flare for the dramatic, I take my meds. Looking out the window at the clouds that had descended to the treetops. I wait for the morning sun to erase the dew and give me my promised sunny sky. Sounds pretty dramatic, don’t it? Kinda lovely in the way the words form a picture you can almost see in your mind. As an observer of life I guess that’s what I’m suppose to do. Dream up words that paint descriptions in the imagination that only words can do. But today in a world of expanding visual media, we’ve all gotten a little lazy, with our words and our descriptions of the things we see. Settling instead for half-truths we take as Gospel. Never seeing how the other half lives. It’s sad in a way to see lazy writing, where arguments become insults and ignorance is praised instead of frowned upon. There’s much to be said for simple country living, but when you exchange simplicity for ignorance and spite. Well that’s another matter altogether. I ...

  After an evening of heavy priestly confessions and a late night of deep sleep, I woke up a bit dazed and confused. For one I ain’t completely woke up yet, even after a hot shower and shave. But the curtains and windows are open, and the crisp cool air is filling my study. My poor old candle has about seen its better days while the sun slowly creeps toward the first windowpane. Then I had to stop writing for a moment to go rescue my stranded adult child that locked their keys in their car.       Anyway I’m about woke up now after listening to my youngin go on about a mile a minute about them and their spouses five-year-plan. It’s kinda funny to me to hear that sort of thing now considering I’m doing good to make moment by moment plans. If there’s one thing I’ve learn in over 60+ years of breathing, it’s that nothing is guaranteed. Ten years ago if you were to tell me that I would be sitting here reasonably healthy. When I had five IVs going at once in the Pulmon...