Stories - FD Thornton

It's 4:20 am and here I am again looking for a way to go back to sleep. Well if you know me,  I hate wasting a minute, so here I go putting down my random thoughts. This is the first time I've sat for any length of time in my normal desk and chair. My injury left me in too much pain to sit and write for nearly five weeks. So during my last class, I've was doing all my assignments and this blog flat on my back with a laptop on my belly. But hey, it worked and I made it through the course. Right now I am on a bit of a sabbatical, allowing the physical problems I'm having to heal while working on another situation or two. It's 4:30 now, so this may ramble, but I been doing some rethinking. Rethinking my goals, my career, my situation, and myself. Don't worry, I don't plan to shave my head or throw a bong out the window. Just slowly take my time to re-evaluate where things are right now.  You know, sometimes in life we get to going so much we allow hours, da

While most are having a good Memorial Day weekend, I found myself fighting the physical problems I've been fighting had for a few weeks. And while I believe this will clear up soon enough, it doesn't make the trip any easier to take. Another Season in Hell is loosely based on Rimbaud's work. Where you sometimes must take a journey and be tried by fire so you can come out a little maturer and a bit more complete.  I feel that we all sometimes make these trips, and come out the other end, for better or for worse, changed. So do we try and avoid these trips? We can, but I feel eventually they catch-up to us when we need change. What do we do when these things hit us? For myself the thing I try and do is see if there's something about myself that needs adjusting (mental, physical, or both). Or see if it's a moment where I simply need to stop, learn, and listen.  I guess the thing is, when you find yourself "broadsided" by life. Clear out the debris, see t

I know this is silly, but every so often an old cowboy song pops into my head that goes, " give me land, give me land, lots of wide open land..., don't box me in.. ." I'm sure many of you never heard it or get why I do. I guess the reason I hear those words is because I've always needed a little "elbow room".  Sometimes things get crowded up around you and you get a little uncomfortable. It can be people, or work, or the deadline due next week, whatever it is you get a bit flighty. So after a tough 6 weeks, I'm getting a bit flighty myself. While you may empathise with the situation, it's a feeling that's hell to overcome.  About the best thing I can say about being crowded up is breathe through it remind yourself this isn't going to last forever. And while it may feel like it's never going to it will. Now let's say you cleared one hurdle, but you still got a deadline due. How can I put myself into that situation again? Here&#

No matter whether you watch the news or search the Internet or just stick your head out the door. All we hear from the left and the right is doom and gloom. It's like the timing of the latest Stones song couldn't have been any better. It's gotten to the point I can't watch the news or read my online newspaper. If the left is mad, doom and gloom. If the right is mad, doom and gloom.  So you may ask, why isn't the title "Doom and Gloom"?  Most know my story, I looked at myself one day and decided I could be better. And over the last several years I've tried. While overcoming both physical and mental obstacles, I managed to reach my dream of going to college and graduating with my bachelor's degree. Even now as I fight those same battles, I find more and more confidence and optimism with every step.  So you may ask, what makes an optimist?    Over the years I knew I could be more and do more than I already had. I just knew that what I h

Realizing Mothers Day is this coming Sunday it got me thinking about my mom. The relationship we had was kinda' weird, you see my mom and me were pretty close in age. Which meant my mom was pretty young and very active in our lives.  Growing up in the sixties & seventies as a kid, I grew up in a Wonder Years sorta' neighborhood. We didn't have the Internet or satellite HDTV or even twitter to keep us entertained. All I had was a neighborhood full of kids and a younger brother & sister to torture. We rode our bikes everywhere, we stayed outside from daylight till dark. And, when we got in trouble, the neighbors phone was way faster than a bicycle, let me tell you.  Like I said, I grew in the Wonder Years. Having your mom work or having divorced parents was still really weird when I was growing up. My mom didn't go to work until we were all grown, so our school afternoons and summer days were spent making up games or bugging mom while she gossiped with the nei

I was laying here with my best friend the heating pad thinking about the grades I got for last week's assignments. Despite how nit-picky I feel the Instructor is, after giving the grade time to soak in, I think the Instructor was right. Last week I was fairly disillusioned with the course, with life, and with myself, and it showed in my school work.  You know sometimes, we go about our day disillusioned with everything. Which can leave everything we touch void of effort or being our best. A lot of times with my current situation I end up losing faith or being disenchanted with my dreams. Because when you set goals for yourself that take a long time, this can happen you become disillusioned.  Maybe the problem is we live in a time where we simply expect instant solutions. Much like when we were children in the backseat of the car crying, "are we there yet?" We've lost patience in the art of planning and setting long-term goals. I can certainly say that I do. The be

You know there are days when nothing can stop you. You get up set the agenda for the day and steady ride that course until you're done. Then there are times when we get side-tracked and are forced to pause whatever it was we were doing. So by the time we get back on the road we have to find a road sign to see where we are. We get potentially lost, losing the focus that we once had. This happens to me a lot. I get knee deep into a project, then stop. I end up having to totally change gears and look at something different. Now I have nothing against multi-tasking, just as long as it's part of the game plan. It's just sometimes my whole focus needs to be on one thing and when that focus is interrupted, aaagggghhhh!   Lately I've been feeling this way, not having the focus or the energy to read a road sign. Just wanting to pull the car over, turn off the ignition, get out, and leave the keys in it. I mentioned this to my oldest daughter (who just got out of a very diffi