Stories - FD Thornton

Around 2007 I had put together a plan, a plan for changing my career path and hopefully improving my families situation. Well from 40,000 feet it may look as if the situation hasn't changed much. If anything it could appear to have gotten worst.  But from a lower altitude changes and improvements can be seen. These changes some small, some major, have impacted the way we live, think, and feel about everything.    When you're involved in a complicated project, like the one I just described. It's easy to get lost in the details and paint shortcomings with a broad brush. But in a long term project, which impacts you personally; sometimes the best way to measure success is with a more detailed observance of the facts.  In my situation the broad stroke would show monetarily situations haven't changed too much. Considering the time, money, and commitment put in to the project so far. But at a closer exam, the courage and skills gained have greatly added to my overall leve

As an editorial note, I'm writing this from my sickbed. So if it doesn't flow as smoothly as it should, sorry, I was probably sneezing my brains out at the time. FDT No matter how long you've been around or how much experience you've had at somethings. Sometimes you just have to go back to the beginning to gain perspective. Recently, an old problem has reared it's ugly head into my world again. And no matter how many times I have changed tactics and battle this thing, sometimes you have to go back to the beginning to gain a new perspective on fighting it again.  I mean over the years new tactics have come along but sometimes pulling out that first playbook is your best plan for defeating an old foe. In everyone's work-a-day world, this can be a best plan for resolving issues. Once a week I get an newsletter from a company that gives me the chance to read or hear the latest books on various business tactics and trends. Now every so often a diamond comes out

I don't think you need me to tell you the holidays are upon us. Especially since most stores have had their decorations up and Holiday music playing since Halloween. If you haven't figured it out yet I'm a pretty cynical person when it comes to holidays and other such things. I don't mean to be, it's just part of my generation (too young to be Boomers and too old to be Gen X). In other words we watched our older family members either fight in or against the Vietnam War. Then as it went away turn mostly into individuals lost or abandoning their youthful beliefs. Which in a way helped develop this cynical outlook we "late bloomers" carry today. I don't mean to go off on a tangent there, but it just crossed my mind.  Anyway, my cynicism about holidays didn't come about until much later in my life after my wife and I started a family. At that point, the holidays became more about them (kids) than me. You may wonder how that created the spark of cyn

I am sitting here in front of my computer screen trying to decide rather I have something profound to say or if I just want to hear myself talk. Do you ever get that way? Just open your mouth and let very unimportant words fly out? I sure as hell know I do.  Just yesterday I was speaking to a friend and about five minutes into the conversation, I realized I was the only one talking. While I did stop for a moment and let him get a word in. It wasn't until this morning that I realised sometimes we just talk just to hear ourselves.  But is that a bad thing? I mean do our words need to be budgeted or something? My father and his mother (my grandmother) may have spoken up to the value of saving words. Either where what you would call great conversationalist. Not that they didn't speak, it's just that if words were money, they saved well. As anyone of the three people that follow this blog know, I spread words at an endless pace. Not concerned that at some point I may actuall

I usually don't write a whole lot about politics or moral issues, I find them to be very polarizing. Even to the point that, when someone has a valid remark to make, on either side of the political fence, it's usually drowned out by opposing political allegiances.  As far as moral issues go, I was brought up to believe that smoking, drinking, and other vices were a sin to be purged in order to get closer to God. While at the same time I've met great religious thinkers that did some of those very things? So you can see in public I keep my views on things "close to the vest".  My main reason for doing so isn't so much to avoid arguments (sometimes), as much as it's not the most important thing in connecting with other people. Last time I checked, we all live on a planet that's getting smaller every minute. Breakthroughs in communications and mass travel have made connecting to others across the world easier and easier. It has also created a need for

Recently I was reading a post on a blog site written by someone whose words of wisdom I'm starting to admire. I decided to explore their work a bit deeper, what I discovered was that they had written a series of books and even had self help courses put together, for a price. Now don't get me wrong, if these courses can help someone, great. It's just that when I see a price tag on showing me personal fulfillment it gives me pause. Maybe I'm just being hypocritical or just an ass, but I simply feel when I see individuals or businesses promoting these kinds of things. All the smiles and good packaging you put out there are not going to whitewash the fact you're selling "snake oil" to cure all my ills.  I'm sorry if that's not the intent, but in my experience snake oil, is snake oil, even when you put a pretty bow on it.  Each of us has to find our own path in life. And usually deep inside ourselves there's a voice that tells what's right

Of late I've been a bit reflective about where things are heading in my life. While a part of me believes that the skies the limit to my potential. At the same time I look into the mirror each morning and feel the clock ticking. While all this rattles around in my mind, I remind myself that in reality time is just a set of numbers. That yes age is a thing, but that true reality is now, not yesterday or tomorrow, but right now.  So as I have struggled with my perceived realities, the fact remains the next day is wide open to whatever I make it. Maybe that is the thing to remind ourselves of, that as we work to concentrate on the moment, tomorrows an open book. Still one of the things I struggle with in living the moment is, what about charting or planning for the future?  In my limited studies of this and from beliefs ingrained in me from childhood. Planning for tomorrow is fine, just don't let the plans for tomorrow override your moment. By focusing on the moment the plans

I haven't long finished breakfast and going through my emails for the morning. This morning is pretty open, I don't have any appointments till 2:30. So here I sit pounding on the keys looking for a spark of inspiration to pass on.  One thing that crossed my mind was that lately I've been going through this kinda housecleaning within my mind. You know, it's not really different than what you do to your house when it get's too cluttered. You clean out the clutter, or at least hide it on the garage. That's more or less what I'm doing, moving out the junk.  A few weeks ago that's were a bit cluttered. There were personnel and outside issues pressing on the limited capacity I now have for pressure. So I'm refocusing myself and looking to re-prioritize what's most important to what's less important. Which by the way,  is one of the reasons I write this blog, to give me perspective.  At the moment, I don't wish to pound into your heads any

I usually write my post when a feel a hint of inspiration or when an interesting thought crosses my mind. But then again sometimes I post for no real reason at all. In other words I start the process with no agenda and however it ends up, it ends up. From comments I get, these usually end up being the ones favored by my "fans". ( An extremely small, but loyal group of three .) This post is no different, I started out with the title that you see and a finger itching to type. So what is my opinion or thought on " do you really need a reason "? I guess it can point to a number of different moments in your life. Anything from choosing the shirt you'll wear for the day, to picking what project you'll hit first on my job. Sometimes there is no selective rhythm or reason, you just jump on it. If I had to make a point about my look at reason, I guess it would be that by making a move to begin with is never a bad thing. What I'm saying is sometimes we can get

As some of you may know, I live and work in a pretty small community in South Central Georgia. While I wasn't born here, my kids grew up here so we definitely have roots in this rural community. With that said, over the last twenty years we have lived in the area, I seen a lot of economic boom and bust. When we first moved here in the early 1990's, there were small factory jobs in nearly every community. But as the years passed, those jobs left the area one by one for the "greener pastures" of unregulated overseas locations.  So over the last twenty years I've seen a fairly happy group of folks turn into a group that basically distrust anyone and everything. The reason I bring this up is, while I myself look to find "silver linings" in most situations. Many, many individuals both urban and rural feel they have been delivered a bad hand. And as time marches, the crowd grows as once individuals and families that were once doing okay now find themselves d

Twice this week I gotten up to a feeling of dread for what the day held for me. And, while I do my best to breathe through my days, sometimes it just isn't enough. At times I feel like a plane that's circling to land, I'm so close to my destination, yet all I can do is look out the window and wait.  None of us are immune to dread especially when we know it's coming. All we can do are one of two things, we can face it and work through or avoid it and relieve the pressure. But I must tell you from experience that, relief may can with a price. Like I said, I've had two days like this this week. The first I uncomfortably plowed through and second comes later today. So at the moment I'm doing my best to not let it take over my day. Too many times we (I) let the dread of something that is coming ruin what could be a productive day. Sometimes that it can be a big thing, but a lot of times it actually isn't, we just make it that way. So what can we (I) do to rel

Earlier this morning I had a different post on my mind. Then a got a sad phone call of someone's passing. It's never good to lose a loved one never, but it can be worse when it comes around the holiday season like now. So if the family is reading this, my heart felt sympathy goes out to you. Due in part to this tragedy and to the pain anyone out there may feel at the holidays. Let's not forget to be thankful. To be thankful for the moments we had with our loved one, the joys we shared, the pain we went through. For all of it lets be thankful.  Around ten years ago I lost my mother, her death left us in total shock. Just a few days before her death we had spoken and she was looking forward to seeing the grandkids. Well two days before our trip home I got the news. So during what was to be a happy event, visiting mom for the weekend. We spent the weekend planning and attending a funeral.  Like I said, it's been ten years, it's been over twenty since my father pa

This morning I was going through my emails and my other morning routines, thinking about a couple of extra errands I had to make. While doing this the thought crossed my mind about how I hated it when I have to deviate from my usual routine. It's not that my routine is a fine tuned instrument or anything, it's just that I gotten into some frankly lazy habits. Which brings me to the idea of this post, that none of us are perfect.  I'm sure that most all of you reading are thinking, "duh!, like I didn't know I wasn't perfect. My big nose, pot belly, and greying hair tell me that everyday" , they all say cynically. Seriously, those are not really the imperfections I thinking about, although I could lose a some weight and a little Just for Men . What I'm bring up here is the idea that we each have a grasp of the areas within ourselves that are lacking. But instead of being critical of ourselves for those shortcomings, we use them as advantages in our liv

Recently, I started a new course at school. It deals with my weakest subject but with two classes to go, I don't have much choice but to "bite the bullet" and do my best. So it should come as no surprise that I've spent the last three days bangin' my head against the wall trying to answer one little question. You know, agonizing over one thing has taught me this, that either I'm really stubborn, or I'm just really stupid, or I'm both.  Oh, I know your saying to yourselves, "now don't of think it that way, your tenacity will serve you." But in reality stupidity is not always bad, but being stubborn and stupid, now   that is not what I'd call a great combination.  The thing is, it's okay if you're not the smartest person in the room, but if you're the one who ignorantly holds on to failed or flawed ideals, well? Being willing to correct your course is one of the qualities that creates a good leader. The problem is, a

No matter how jealous I get of other successes, all I really want to do is be a better me With roadblocks laid out by others, including myself, all I want to do is be a better me When the haunting voices of hatered and fear awaken me, all I want to do is be a better me To be a better me is to struggle To be a better me is to work To be a better is to try  

Forgive me if this gets a little jumbled, but this didn't come to my mind until after reading few about.me bios. Looking over the introductory statements of many of the about.me pages I come across, I noticed something interesting. A vast majority of those profile/introductions always mention that they (person who wrote it) are still growing and haven't reached their full potential yet.  On the surface, it's such a common statement that you may simply not notice it. But for whatever reason the words stuck out in front of me like a neon sign in a dark alley. Seeing all these individuals from across the world making the same profession that their potential got me wondering. What if you made it to your fullest potential already, what do you do then?  Maybe I'm being a bit silly or I heard this conversion sometime back, but at the moment I feel it's a valid question to ask. Along with the follow-up question, why do you feel your best hasn't happened? Remember

A little while ago, I sent an email to an old friend whom I haven't spoken with in a while. His name came across my radar, so I decided to drop him a line. That may seem to be a bit old fashioned, but in this busy crazy world we live, dropping a little note seems to me a perfect ice breaker to unthaw a cooled relationship.  As I was lightly updating him on how things were, at the end I dropped a few lines of hard learned wisdom. I am not sure why I feel the need to do this with younger people I know. It just seems to come out of me, like it's a requirement of getting your AARP card or something.  After I finished my masterpiece of a note (at least I thought so), I sent it hoping to find him and his family well. After finishing, I had no real urgency to write a post here, but thinking about my habit of dropping unsolicited advice, I thought, "lets see where this goes" . So here we are.  So here I am, thinking about some of the advice I received over my lifetime,

This morning I was going through my emails when I came upon a couple from people who follow my about.me page. The messages they sent were little notes about enjoying my page and what I say. While notes like this are nice to get from the great variety of individuals that have sent one, the thing that stood out as the first reaction that came out of my mouth which was, " I don't know why these people are so impressed? "  Don't look at this post as a sly way to point at myself, this is an honest question about the balance between poor self image and good self image. As mentioned in previous post, I have a real problem with self image. So much so that it has lead me down some dark paths of self abuse, as well as, a total feeling of dissatisfaction with who I am. It is these factors that have led me, despite some victories, to believe my whole world has been a total failure. So hearing those words so easily come out of my mouth, really threw me back a step or two. For

I remember many years ago I DJ'd a local AM radio program from 10 pm to after midnight. This was on a station that after 10 pm reduced it's broadcast power by half, which meant my limited audience was even more limited. I basically kept the equipment warmed up for the morning DJ that came in around 5 am.  Still word of mouth about our little program grew to the point that we had a live studio audience. Mainly because I let them in from out of the cold when they started hanging out outside the studio. So for a number of months we would bring in our eclectic little collection of music and poetry to the studio and basically have our own version of the Dead Poet's Society . (For those of you that are younger, please Google.)    Things were going pretty good with the program and I admit, I was having fun. Until one night the request line lite up and I received a call that changed everything for me. Without dragging out too many details or names, the call was a criticism of w

I freely admit I am a bit boisterous and loud, I guess that comes from my love of attention. What I didn't want people to confuse that with is that I'm egotistical or not genuine. The fact is yes, I'm loud, but at the same time I'm real and have a pretty good idea of who and what I am.  To be honest with who you are doesn't have to be a bad thing. By that I mean, some would have you think having a handle on yourself and knowing your limits only limits you. That maintaining some unrealistic vision of yourself is what creates greatness. While I have nothing against confidence or setting goals. My point here is your goals and drive need to be in balance with who you are and what you realistically need to do to meet those challenges.    Using myself as an example, in 2008 I was 46 years old, worked at a totally unchallenging job, and had tried and failed to continue my college dreams for 28 years. Still ever since my twenties I knew I could do anything I put my mind

Before I started thinking about this post, I was looking at some of the individuals that had viewed my about.me page . As I was reading some my visitors bios, I noticed how some of these people wrote about themselves in the third person. For me it reads a bit weird, but for some English maybe a second or third language, so I try not to judge. Still to me, it's strange to read and even stranger to write when putting together a research paper.  In a way it gives me the impression the person writing is " putting on airs ", as the old saying goes. For the heck of it I decided to Google the term "putting on airs" what I found out it's an old saying about tooting your own horn . But to me, even more interesting was the word airs itself. When I Googled it besides being the stuff we breath or try to breath depending on your location, it means to " express, voice, or make public ."  I suppose my point here is, from my perspective I was raised to think

Like most of you, I got up this morning and hit the ground running. Taking care of this situation and that one, putting out as many fires as I could. By the time it was 10:30am, I was still in my "night clothes" and had spoken or emailed at least 10 people or businesses.  One of the beautiful things about working for yourself and working from home is, you can get a lot done before most everyone has finished their 2 hour commute. Plus unless you're on Skype, you can do it in your birthday suit (don't worry, I'm fully dressed, for now). My point with this little post is to comment on how, when I do poke my head out of my rabbit hole, I'm barraged with this and that interruption that can slow down my day.  A few posts ago I mentioned getting my first "smartphone". Mainly because all my clients, friends, and family told me, "it would make your day so much simpler and more organized". While I don't which little Fairy (or Imp) told them t

The most productive way I've found to procrastinate is to write a blog post. By that I mean, usually I have something critical to do but, that doesn't mean I'm prepared mentally to do it. So in order to get the brain juices to flow, I'll write a draft or blog post.  Today is no different, I have a project to get started on, I've done the research and now it's time to put my fingers on the keyboard and go. But once again I find myself pausing and hesitating to get it done.  I really don't know why I do this, all I can say is I do. But instead of surfing web pages or taking a nap, at least now I'm doing something near being productive, like creating this blog. Which produces todays question, Am I so needy, that I need to blog? At first I think the answer would be yes. Before blogging or the Internet, a person may produce an article for a magazine or newspaper to make a statement or talk about something they discovered. Today's social media has made

For the four people that regularly follow my blog ( Thanks, Mom ), my last post dealt with the ever increasing amount of time we spend with our mobile devices. Staring blindly at our tiny screens, either commenting or goggling the latest celeb news. As for myself, I sat on my high horse confidently saying that would never happen to me. Mainly due to the fact that my mobile devices consisted of a laptop, and oh so, 1990's desktop.  Well can you say hypocrite, because I recently purchased my first ( yes, I said first ) smartphone. Since the 1980's, I either used a pager ( A what? Go ask your grandparents. ) or a regular cellular phone. Over the last several years due my areas poor cellular reception, I've gone to using pay-as-you-go "burner phones" ( ask your drug dealer ). Now some of you may be saying, but aren't you a tech consultant or some thing? That's a yes, but I also think of all these devices as tools and not who I am.  You see, I have enjoyed

As some of you may know, I work in the business technology industry. I've ran my own business IT consulting firm since 2010. As a tech geek, analyst, and consultant, I spent a lot of time searching for ways to save clients money and time through technology. With that said, despite the twenty-plus years I've played and worked with technology. I don't own a smartphone, I still get by with a desktop and laptop computers. Besides, by the time I finish this piece smartphones are going to be as big as my laptop anyway. The reason I'm mentioning any of this is because I just got through reading a piece by  Jenna Wortham for The New York Times.  In it she brings up concerns with most of us keeping our heads buried in our smartphones and tablets. It's also safe to say, that you can include individuals like myself, that are constantly on the Internet with our computers in that same group.  I will not sit here and transcribe word for word what Ms. Wortham is saying. But th

You know, there's really nothing more I enjoy then sitting with my laptop and writing. May be it's like hearing yourself talk, but when I do that I tend to ramble. It least with the keyboard, I'm forced to slow down and peck at the keys, but even then I get in such a flow you'd think I was closing my eyes just pecking away creating nonsense.  For a long time there has been one single statement that has been stuck in my mind, and that is, "it's all about balance." Funny how something like that can rattle around in your head, but there it is. Recently I was watching a film on something called, The Secret. If you don't know what it's about, it basically is a belief that whatever your thoughts good, bad, optimist, or not, that's the type of energy you draw to yourself. So if you have good thoughts you bring to yourself good things, while the opposite can bring to you, you know.  Personally, I don't totally disbelieve the idea. I'm sure

At the risk of repeating myself ( something I have no problem doing ) I am easily impressed by people I meet in my virtual journeys around the world. Ever since I begin using  about.me  to promote my business and general views. I've connected with literally thousands of individuals from across the globe. I know I mentioned it before that I use about.me , but I strongly feel it's worth mentioning again.  As the title to this post reads Easily Impressed , don't take that to mean that I'm gullible or naive. It's simply a statement of both my limitations and admiration for those who are willing to put themselves out there , risking criticism and outright disdain from others, which I'd sit here and say is the point of this post.  If you take the world or a country or a group, and judge each individual within it by a standard which you  or your click has set, then there's pretty much no hope in relating to others whom are not like you. Now if we to strip our

I've been around for some fifty plus years, and if anything, I know what things I like and what things I don't. I have a pretty good handle of the talents that I have and on the weaknesses I process also. So when things come up that want to aim me in directions I don't feel comfortable going. I have to ask myself, do I seize these moments or do I listen to that part of myself that just doesn't feel right.  So here I sit looking at some proposals that can put me on the path of fame and fortune. So is it me just being lazy or does the idea of doing something I simply don't feel comfortable doing holding me back? You'd think I'd answered these questions thirty years ago, right?  Awhile back before the Great Recession, I had a plan, I thought it was a good plan. I was finally going to finish college and work for myself in a career I learned and basically steer my own ship. But over the course of my collegiate journey things changed course, and things I thoug

As many of you may have figured out, I tend to write in chunks and that's true. I usually don't force myself to write, like some professionals do. I usually take it as it comes to me. It's not like I make my living at this, it's more like I live to do this. Over the past few days I have been kinda lazy. Lazy in that I haven't done much physically, but I have been reading and doing some course work for school.  During the past few days I've been engaged in some reading and researching on modern sales techniques and strategies. Some of the things I've learned have been pretty interesting. For example, the idea now of engaging in conversation with the prospective client as a business owner yourself. So that you can communicate n a more even level letting that prospective client (fellow business owner) know you have a service that can help simplify their overall process.  This struck me as a very good idea in how to carry out prospecting. But at the same tim

When I was younger and even in the here and now, I'm not much of a planner. This isn't to say I don't plan anything, it's just when do set a plan into motion, I lose all patients with myself or anyone else and I'm ready to get it done. So what I usually end up doing is give myself a loose schedule from which to work. So when time permits, I jump on the project with "all fours", so to speak.  This isn't the most practical way to plan ahead, but I know myself fairly well and so far it works for me.  But as I get older I do find myself appreciating the value of time more and more. Time is a limited commodity and each of us has just so much. To waste that time may be regrettable or criminal to some, but to focus on past mistakes can be a problem itself. By allowing regret to creep in and rob us of present moments, we are doing to ourselves the same things we are regretting in the first place, wasting time.  Now this isn't to say to not be remorsefu

The full title of this post was going to be, just because you can say something stupid, doesn't mean you should. If I had wrote all that, then there wouldn't have been a point to the blog now would there? Still, for us whom are not at a loss for words, it can be sage advice.  In my 50+ ages of life on this earth, I've put my foot in my mouth way more times than I'd care to repeat. Maybe that's why I feel much more focused when I write because, it slows me down and condenses my thoughts to  readable sentences. Instead of the hog wash that mostly flows from hearing my own self speak. But that said,  I continue on and on.  But for many out there the urge to say or write things we really shouldn't, is an idea that's lost on us. Now I don't mean to trample on anyones first amendment right to speak their mind. Still as the long title to this states, just because can, doesn't mean you should. Words spoken out of anger are usually met with words spoken i

You ever hear yourself say, "today was bad, but tomorrow it'll get better." You can look at that sentence two ways. First, as an optimistic statement that the next day things will be better. Or second you can say, I'm giving on this day, I'll do better tomorrow, which to me sounds a little defeatist.  To be honest with you, I have spent way too many days doing both; looking for a brighter tomorrow or simply giving up on the day.  To tell you the truth, either one of those ideas has showed me much promise and here's why. To go through a bad day and hope for a better tomorrow sounds optimistic, but in reality it's not much better then giving up. I've said both of these things way too many times only to end up with tomorrow turning into the previous day, bad.  You see you have to look at the moment you are living in and no matter what you see, do your best to get something out of the day. You know, there have been times when I've said, "I qui

Like most of you, I'm having a pretty loaded day. Working on research for my class finals and putting the final touches on a marketing plan, have left my head spinning a bit. Well I stopped for a moment to find myself ( I think it fell on the floor and rolled under the desk ) and checked my emails.  As some of you may have figured out I meditate and practice mindfulness, which if your browser catches wind of it. It notifies every site that practices some form of mental focus ( see the money, be the money ) , access to your email account. Today was not a good day to load my inbox with "hocus focus" junk, still there it was. Nearly every guru with an plan promising me eternal joy and wealth if I subscribe sitting there staring at me.   Please, don't get me wrong. From my own life journey I've discovered taking a moment to be in the here and now refocuses you to what is going. That obsessing about the past or future only cloud your mind to the task at hand. I gu

I bet you have read just as much as I have, if not more, about being and/or measuring ones success. My reading on the subject has ranged from success is the gateway to destruction. To the only way to live life is to be as successful as you can be. But just what is success and how should we achieve it?  Personally, I'm kinda torn between the two lines of thought I mentioned above. Where you do your best but remember success isn't everything. I guess I could end my discussion on that note and say we're done. But somehow that train of thought seems incomplete. For someone who publicly struggles with inner demons as I do. To simply say do your best and provide for those you love, may seem simple enough to do. But with the inner struggles of doubt, fear, and inadequacy, even the simplest of philosophies get bogged down in an unending ocean of self deprecation. Recently I was introduced to Impostor Syndrome a condition where a person may seem successful on the outside, yet

Rather we admit it or not, each of us has a display window. A store front display that we put out for the buying public to see. Our window maybe neat and tidy, it maybe together and confident, but no matter how put together it is, it only shows what we want it too. In a way that's too bad, to have to our lives that way, with only what others want to see on display.  For many, many years I lived with a display window. A window while not quite perfect, it still reflected intelligence, strength, sharp wit, and a joy of life. What it didn't show was the fear, the anxiety, the insecurity, and dread of failing others, failing myself, and failing at life.  Such feelings of being unworthy and not good enough, are hard to shake quickly. But building displays, now that is quite easy to do, with the right paint and paper mache. Still with the ease that it is to make, it's a false front that's easily torn down.  So Am I asking everyone to let others see what they could see? T