Stories - FD Thornton

This morning as usual I got up got dressed, took my daily dose of meds, and cranked up the old desktop. Being the egomaniac that I am I usually check my stats on the various webpages I manage. After that humbling experience, I then go to the Panic No More website to check in with my follow panic sufferers. Much like a drug addict or alcoholic, checking in at this site is like going to an AA meeting. I either post about how I am genuinely feeling at the moment or check-in and read how others are feeling. I find that doing this is very therapeutic. Years ago when I went to a counselor she asked if I’d like to try going to group therapy sessions. For the longest time I resisted feeling that by keeping my problems to myself that somehow the sigma of would go away. But after my first session I discovered that I wasn’t alone. So while it took me many years to become completely open about my situation. Those first steps brought me to the realization that there is strength in n

I'm sure I've mentioned this a time or twenty, but most every morning a attend an online group therapy session if you will. It's for people that suffer from basically the same anxiety issues that I do. Most of the time I just pour out my honest feelings on the forum and while I don't usually get too many replies. I get the satisfaction of having a place to "spill my guts".  This morning after my confession I checked into the introduction forum were newbies often go to get their feet wet and introduce themselves. While their I noticed a post from someone who suffers depression and has an Autistic son along with three other young children. It reminded me of my wife and I's situation with our own family and having a special needs child.  So I stopped for a moment and offered him some words of encouragement. Without trying to write him a handbook on raising an autistic child, I simple told him to do the best he could and to love them equally. My point he

Recently I got a note from a fan of my work telling me they appreciated my honesty and candor about my struggles with anxiety and mental health. It does my heart good to hear stories like that, of people who suffer like myself with the scepter of mental health issues; and how they too are working like to overcome them. Still it's funny how you can go through bouts of anxiety and stress, but with a little determination you can make it through the situation. But still after so many years of living with anxiety and panic I still have to remind myself to get up every day and how every now-and-then I still fail. So many times when we fail to overcome our panic we tend to abuse ourselves. In my situation this has always led to more guilt, more anxiety, and more self-doubt in my abilities. But once you take the steps to love the person that you are, you can begin to make the changes needed to create a fuller, happier life. Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you any of this

I could have written this around 2:30 last night, but the better Angels had me stick to tweeting and trying to rest. Yesterday I went outside to find the front tire on my truck flat. Given that I'm not very good at getting up off the ground anymore I've been waiting on one of my much healthier children to show up and put the spare on so I can get the tire fixed. But at this point it's looking more and more like I'll be changing the tire. Now a number of years ago, that wouldn't have been a problem. But in the messed up shape I'm in from all those years of doing everything myself, it's now a nearly impossible task. Putting this situation into context, I think you can figure out I’m pretty much stressing out. I'm sure most of you remember a point in your life where things like this didn't bother you like they do today. But having a wife that required extra attention and raising four kids, while I wouldn't trade my family for nothing;

2017 - FD Thornton Where I grew up “God, Guns, & Glory” seem to be the mindset. Here where I live now that's definitely the mindset. Now I got nothing against taking care of your own. Or the ideas of treating others as you want to be treated. But what saddens me is the seeming absence of empathy and understanding towards others who many prefer to paint with a broad brush. To be honest you can't just label my rural friends and family this way alone. Many of my “educated” or “enlightened” friends and family share the same broad brush tendencies when labeling those they see as different. In public I am a bit of a blow-hearted, ill-tempered, smart-ass, but honestly I try and look at both sides of most arguments. But here's the thing, in today's world with all of us forced to run around like “chickens with our heads cut-off”; no one has time to distill the information we're fed. Rather liberal or conservative, the information overlords want nothing more

As humans we don't usually take insult or criticism very well. Especially if we feel it's more mean spirited then simply tongue-in-cheek. I like to think that my ribbing as more out of admiration then just a downright insult. But I will admit the fun can sometimes get a little out of control. With that said I will admit there are those out there whose insults can cut me pretty deep. And even though some of those individuals are long gone, the words they said still left an open wound.  None of us are without scars and for most it's those scars that define who we become. In my own life it could have been really easy for me to be bitter about how things turned out. From my observation some people I know and love turned out just that way. Fortunately for me I experienced enough kindness and love that the arrows of hate didn’t completely destroy the fire within me; leaving me with a small glimmer of optimism to shine through the black void of pain. So from my

I've always heard variety is the spice of life. That may be true but so too is consistency and reliability. For the disadvantaged of this world variety is not an option, but consistency and reliability should be. I remember years ago working at an electrical supply warehouse. And when a large shipment of conduit would come in, I would take the company truck down to Old Ellis Square and pick up day laborers to unload the truck. These guys were usually down-on-their-luck alcoholics or drug addicts looking to pick up some quick money for a fix. My boss would tell me how many guys to pick up and to make sure to kept the windows up and the doors locked so they wouldn’t try to jump in the cab. Once I got to the square, I'd simply stop and hold up my fingers to indicate how many fellows I needed. It didn't take long for a dozen or more disheveled guys to gather around the truck fighting to either get in the cab or hop in the back. Once the number of guys the b