Stories - FD Thornton

I had just finished my shower and I was drying off by the fan, when a thought occurred to me. We only have maybe a month of showers left before sponge bath season. You see after the temperature gets steadily below 80°, that cool shower can get mighty cold. Like I’ve said before we live with a few “modern conveniences”. For one no hot water (I’m a bad credit risk to the gas company). Two, the wiring in this house is old and erratic at best. So you don’t overtax the electrical system, meaning it’s very, very dark even with the lights on. I wish I could afford a better place, but even the cheapest rent elsewhere is twice what I pay. I’d tell what our household income is, but you’d probably want start a go fund me page. I suppose I could be bitter or pissed off about our current situation, as so many millions of working poor. But what’s the point? I have just so much energy to spare and I’d rather us it constructively either working the garden or writing a book. Besides for every min

I don’t want to be so angry, pointing out every fault, every flaw. Yet I can’t seem to stop myself from this utter misery. But the alternative would be earth shattering, sending ripples through the fabric of it all. So I look out over the water as the sun silently sets. Drowning me in the waves I so freely took on. Yet can I be human for just a moment and wish to be free. We speak of love as some great savor, but after a while it feels like a noose draw tighter over time. I don’t wish to think this way. But my heart is grasping at threads to find a solution. A solution that has yet to be found. So I rest my mind thinking deeper thoughts, but a lack of focus “makes Jack a dull boy”. So I pull myself again from this drowning pool. Focusing on the blessings of life, those momentary distractions that distract me no more. For all the victims have been saved and I’m left by the water with nothing left to do. So maybe I should focus on myself, but that’s not something I can completely d

It’s funny how on a day that has been such a chore. One little spark of kindness can make it all worthwhile. We spend the majority of our modern lives so angry. Angry at the world. Angry at other people. Even angry at ourselves. Especially ourselves. I’ve discussed before how in “real life” I am often very cynical, and downright unpleasant to be around. I know that might make me sound hypocritical to my persona. But to me it just makes me human. Anyway, I didn’t have a particularly good day. So wisely I mostly stayed out of public view. But I was checking my messages and low and behold a friend from halfway across the world, sent me a sincere note of gratitude. Mind you this particular person has been struck down with some unfair shit. Still in his time of pain and suffering, he sends “me” a thank you note. Needless to say, I was humbled. We can touch the world around us in positive or negative ways. I’m not much on “higher powers”, but within each of us is the capacity to love o

Awakened from dreams so vivid and strange. I lay here a little dizzy and shakened by the thoughts swimming in my head. So I wait a moment to let reality settle over me, as the thoughts from my sub-conscience subside. The ebb and flow of my brain is often just a mixed bag of emotions. More than likely just an inheritance left to me by my father. Whose own solution was to drown himself in work. I for one sought the help of “professionals”. Who took the time to patch me up with chemicals and sent me off on my merry way. Sleep so often is such an elusive dream. I would so love to make the night my own. But lately that simple request has been denied by my mind. I find myself dreaming in “what ifs” experiencing flashbacks of impatient longing. I try to tell myself more time is all I need, but the heart and soul grow so tired. I wouldn’t expect many of you to understand the situation. But it stems from long unresolved issues of emotion. But for so often the pay-off to seeking peace, is

School buses rolled by the windows of my office every school morning. Shortly there after the roam of mufflers rolls by on all the shiny new pick-up trucks heading to school. Rather they come off the bus or park in student parking lot, they all head to the same classrooms and play on the same fields. Inequality can seem like a foreign word in a one stoplight town. With our one high school/middle school and one elementary school. But what is inequality? Is it the difference in family incomes? Is it the opportunities to advance? Or is it the mindset these children are taught from an early age? I grew up on the westside of Chatham County where all the factory working families lived. Before school integration in the early 70’s all us kids in Bloomingdale went to one school from first to sixth grade. Black kids, white kids we all went to the same school attending the same classes. The only white privilege I was aware of was all the black kids lived on one side of town, while most of the

We just had dinner with our daughter and the grandbabies. Although I can’t really call them babies much longer, because they’ll soon be turning two and four. Going over there often brings back a ton of memories. Often I feel regret for not being able to give our children all they needed. But if you know my story, you know I was going through a rough patch with my mental health back then. But I don’t want to make this about me and my struggles. I would rather talk about the strength and resiliency of family. In the past my parents and in-laws were quick with the advice on rising kids. And while some of it was good, a good portion was wishful thinking and dreaming of the past in rosy colors. Each family goes through it’s own unique struggles. To try and pigeonhole a solution for everything would be ridiculous. Some families have to deal with divorce, while others struggle with abuse or addiction. At it’s core it all comes down to conviction and mutual respect. If there is love, a f