Stories - FD Thornton

It's Friday night, the TV's muted, Spotify isn't on, so it's just me and my thoughts. There have been times when that thought would have terrified me. At one time being alone with my thoughts wasn't such a good idea. That's because my thoughts would haunt me with statements of "what if" and "what I had done". The ghost of past and future failures would be ever present and unending. Telling me of my worthlessness and unworthiness to joy and to life.  While those thoughts do still come and rear their ugly head every now and then. I've learned that all we really have is the moment we live in now. That the past has faded into the mist of history and that the future has yet to be written, and that all there is, is now.    So as I sit here and type these thoughts, my heart isn't too worried about what I think. Because each day as I match through each moment I learn that with each step to be mindful and grateful for the moment I have.

Amicalola Falls State Park Georgia This is a post I placed on a website for individuals like myself that suffer from panic and anxiety disorders. I usually write of my own experiences and what I'm doing to live and overcome them for that site.  After writing this, I thought that the message could relate to others whom, while not suffering chronic from anxiety issues, could use the encouragement all the same. -FDT      Good Hot Afternoon from South Georgia, USA. I figured since I had a minute or two I'd drop a note about how things are. Well this is the finally week of this course. While the time in these classes are short they are very intense. Cramming a lot of information into a very small time frame. But it appears "third times the charm" and at worst I'll past with a C, but I'm working toward a B. I suppose the thing I wanted to mention is despite the many setbacks I have had over the past number of years. Ground is being gained with each sm

Earlier today I completed a quiz for my Statistics course, but sadly my score wasn’t the best. Not so long ago I may have beaten myself up for posting such a poor grade. Now I kinda look at it and laugh, yes laugh. I’m pretty sure that many of you may be wondering why I would do that. A lot of folks live by the motto of always doing your best and winning at all cost . But I’ve discovered sometimes I just can’t live by that ideal. A long time ago, I realized that I am human, finite, and fallible. That despite what strengths I process, I also process just as many weaknesses and that the most important things is that’s okay. Too many times we run around creating this image of ourselves that have nothing to do with who we are. That it’s nothing more than a flimsy façade of who we think we are.    You may think, “That’s all fine and well, but the world today is built on how the product is packaged. You need to get with the program, dude.” But as I have said many times before as J

Every so often I can get a bit lazy. So instead of writing different posts for the various sites I write on, I'll borrow from one site to another. Well this is going to be one of those post. I write a support post for an international support site for people like myself that suffer with Panic/Anxiety Disorder. I thought that the words I wrote could speak to others who may not suffer from PAD, but do have moments of panic and fear. While earlier in the week I was going through a phase of normal, the last few days, especially today, I've been "feeling" tense and out of it. So much so that I was really wondering which way was up and have had problems wrapping my head around this week's assignments. As all this was going on my head was spinning, my stomach was in knots, and my focus was nonexistent. I finally put every thing down and focused on nothing. Mind you, I didn't go into a mediation, I just allowed my spinning mind to rest a few minutes. After a sh

Last night wasn't too good; I woke up around 2 am with my heart just pounding having myself a pretty good anxiety attack. I call it that because I don't have panic attacks as severe as I once did, but they do still affect my day to day life. My attack was due to my worry about the current course I'm taking in school. As I lay in bed trying to chill with my thoughts running every was way through my head, yet again. But somehow part of my mind thought,  "even if you quit school, yet again, where do you finally draw the line in the sand?"  So despite the pressure I logged in to my school website and discovered that the very thing I was panicking about, a grade on a paper, I had made a perfect grade.  While I do struggle with this course, my average so far is around 87% which is definitely a passing grade. Besides this is the last regular course I'm taking, with the next course being my capstone that test and covers what I've already taken and passed

You can probably tell from the title what this is going to be about. And that's fine, I ain't too proud to steal my own material every now and then. But thinking about asking for help isn't really a sign of weakness as much as a sign of wisdom. Still far too many of us dread the image that we come off as weak if looking for help. So the vicious circle goes round and round.   Pride can be a powerful thing, it can lead great armies and it can defend justice. But used in the wrong way, it blinds you and causes you to stand against the common good. In this particular context I'm talking about when you should ask for help.  A number of years back I was showing a product I to a potential client that was responding favorable to the item I sold. Right at the point of closing the deal, their partner came in and practical threw me out the building, without having the opportunity to pitch the product to them. The sad part is, I had done my research of the business and knew t

This subject crosses my mind every so often when I look at where I’m and yet feel so totally dissatisfied. Have any of you felt like that? Usually after a day or two, I get over it and the feeling goes away. But it doesn’t come much as a surprise when it shows up again.  I guess it comes from my lack of roots. Ever since my family and I moved from Savannah, we have kinda been on our own. Now that doesn’t mean a kind hand or two hasn’t been lent to us every now and then. It’s just a feeling of permanency is lacking in my life. Even though, we have lived in this community for nearly twenty years, the one person that knows me best seems to be my barber.  I guess I really shouldn’t blame anybody other than myself for that. Maybe I could have been a little more outgoing or maybe more affiliated with the community. Maybe this is just a part of modern life? A post or so back I wrote of the breakdown of community and of neighborhood, of how each in our own little way have isolated oursel