Stories - FD Thornton

It's 4:30 in the morning and yet again here I am bearing my soul to you. When you carry the burden of Panic Disorder, even on good days the thought of something going wrong is never far away. It's almost always at night when this happens, I'll be in the middle of a sound rest and my body jumps to attention. My heart racing, my stomach tied in knots and for no good reason. Once I finally gather myself an hour or so all I'm left with are the dying embers of a once peaceful night. So I go about my day presenting the strongman on stage. Never once removing the mask that reveals what lies underneath. Oh but once the sun sets and the and the darkness falls. Vulnerabilities and fears come to the surface reminding me of who I really am. This is the burden I most bare. When I started writing this, is was trying to remember which word to use “bear” or “bare”. Well bear is used when you're ​ carrying something. Bare is used when exposing something. To be honest, bo

Courtesy of BetaNews Last night I actually got a full night's sleep, only getting up once. This morning the temperature was pleasant and I could smell the coffee brewing. Considering how the day was shaping, I decided to send the day editing my manuscript and maybe tweaking the website. Well after prematurely texting how great my morning was going, I neglected to notice the water bottle had a leak. The result was a desk full of wet papers and a computer and printer getting soaked on the bottom. Life tends to lob grenades at us when we least expect it, this morning being a prime example. The key to our success at anything is how well we handle those situations. I'll be the first to admit, my blood pressure shot up a little bit. And my mind was going every which way thinking the worst.  But more rational thoughts prevailed and I got the situation is under control. With the added bonus of discovered a newly purchased cable doesn't work. My point here is si

FD Thornton 2017 While jotting down some notes for a new story, an old friend of mine messaged me. For about an hour we caught up with each other like old friends sometimes do. But during the conversation I was very surprised to discover this particular acquaintance had been keeping up with my work. Considering the limited contact we have had, I assumed they hadn't even heard of my work or seen my website or blogs. My friend mentioned how it took quite a bit of talent to pursue so many interests. After enjoying the stroking of my ego for a moment, I replied that talent was not always as important as passion and heart. Soon after the conversation ended, I was browsing through You Tube for something light to watch. In my search I stumbled upon the Green Day video for I'm Still Breathing . I’ve watched this video at least 20 times since it was first released. The message Green Day presents is a strong one dealing with survival and living life. You see after my heart atta

While rearview mirrors serve an important purpose, constantly looking into them will get you killed. We all live with regrets of one form or another and living your life thinking of what might have been isn't really living. In my own life there are so many things I could have done differently, maybe even better. Still I live in this moment and not in the past or the future. The decisions I've made are the things I have to live with, but it doesn't mean they have to dictate my future.  So while rolling back the clock can have disastrous consequences: living with a clock that's stopped is just as b. The thing is live your life now, don't let second guessing myself become the rule. What was a bad decision twenty years ago may not be so wrong today or vice versa. The point is learn from your mistakes and go from there. All we can do is live this life as best we can and leave the world in a little better shape than we found it. Once you accomplish that th

Rather we realize it or not we all wake up in the morning trying to decide which mask we are going to wear that day. For some of us it’s a pretty easy decision for others it’s a little harder to choose. Either way we shake off the sleep of the evening and firmly secure the mask we want the world to see. Masks can make life easy for instance putting on a poker face can hide you cards during intense negotiations. The thing is masks are not meant to repair any damage you may feel. They are simply a temporary fix for a given situation. For the longest time I would wear the mask of a confident leader or a jovial friend; while deep inside I was broken, hurting, and afraid. Recently I had a heart to heart with a dear friend of mine. Despite our light-hearted banter, I knew they were hurting and needed a friend. After a long time we got down “to the brass tacks” of the situation and for a brief moment my friend really opened up about what was going on. Like I said, masks can be a

This is a note I wrote to some friends of mine across the pond. I thought they wouldn’t mind if I shared it with everyone. FDT Good morning. I don’t know about across the pond, but here in the Southern US it’s full-on springtime. Every morning my truck is covered in pollen from the blooming trees. So today I am crying tears of allergic pain, asking myself “spring why do you torture so.”  As you may be able to tell I’m still riding on my little vacation high. My body is suffering, but my mind and heart are reflective and doing well. I have noticed I have been getting a bit lazy with my writing. Usually I put together a few pieces a day like a little assembly line. But since coming back from the coast, my work has been less productive.  I think it’s due to my focusing more on my photography since the trip and the fact that there’s now more color to shoot. The nice thing is despite my wonderful allergies I have been venturing at more, which is never a bad thing. It’s nic