Stories - FD Thornton

Happy Leap Day! Leap Year must be good for me because last night I ended up sleeping fairly well. Other than my usual seasonal allergy suffering, I was able to draft back to sleep after my usual 3 am wake up call. Still, I started this post with the intention of having something great to say. But as I peck away at the keyboard my mind is wholly focused on a whole lot of nothing.   I suppose the only real thought that's crossing my mind is all the traveling I've done over the past few days. You see normally we (my wife and myself) usually venture out of town just once a month or so. Other than that we pick up a few items at our local store, but limit those big out of town purchases to just once a month. It’s more or less a habit we gotten into besides it goes well with the GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) I suffer from.  Heading out of my comfort zone can take a toll on someone like me. GAD is a disorder where fear and anxiety overtaken reason and logic; leaving you in a s

As some of you may know my political tendencies lean to the right. I suppose I’m nothing more than an old school “Blue Dog Democrat”. This is all well and good in a world where people exchange opposing ideas with civility and respect. But this is 2016 and our information is spoon fed to us through the filter of sound bites and search algorithms. I mean, why dig through piles of critical information, when you can one-stop-shop, right?  Listen, my point here isn’t to insult or belittle anyone else’s values. It’s simply to bring up the potential landmine of dealing with opposing views in a business and social environment. We’ve all been there, the social gathering where a friend or family member berates your values. Or the business-setting where a potential client throws a loaded question your way about your political views. It’s never comfortable and sadly enough it can lose your friends, family, and even business associates.  People are always going to disagree that’s a fact of li

Last night I was having one of my famous bouts with insomnia. Like clockwork I pop up between 2:30 and 4:30 AM, I look over at my wife sleeping and check my phone to see the time. If I’m fortunate enough I can sometimes go right back to sleep after a minute or two. If not, I’ll either read one of the books I have on my tablet or check out the early edition of my online newspaper. I suppose it’s just a family thing. I remember a many-a-early morning hearing my dad rustling around the house. By the time we woke-up breakfast would be going with him sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper. Like father, like son I suppose. But unlike my dad, I discovered I have sleep apnea along with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) which are two things don’t well when it comes to sleep. My reason for mentioning any of this isn’t so much to make excuses, as it is to ask the question, how we work through difficult situations? At some point each of us encounters difficult moments in life

Of all the talks I give about taking steps and getting better one day at a time. I still ask myself, is this all it's ever going to be? I mean, have I gone as far as I'm going to get? When I reflect on moods like this, I'm often reminded of the U2 song The Fly and the line about  ambition bits the nails of success . For myself that's saying that no matter where I am in life, no matter how successful, I'll never be satisfied. Am I making any sense here? I guess the question I should ask myself is why can't I be happy with how things are? Does there always have to be a better tomorrow? Maybe it all goes back to the Buddhist tradition of focusing on the here and now, and letting tomorrow take care of itself. Even in the Christian tradition, you have the verses about  consider the lilies , where they don't worry about the next day. Still inside myself I have this innate need to look beyond what I see in the mirror and want something more. So I guess the q

Hello. I guess if there was a theme for the past two days it would be you get what you pay for. I don't know about you, but over my lifetime I've made some good decisions and some bad decisions. My focus today is on one of my bad decisions which were to neglect my health by making poor life choices. If you read any of my posts, you know about the vacation I took last fall to the hospital. Since that time I've tried to do better with my health. One of the main things I've done is quit smoking. But even though I quit smoking, one of the effects of that decision to smoke has been very bad teeth. So over the past few days I've been dealing with a painful broken tooth that is the result of past poor decisions. Thinking about that, a lot of times we deal with situations that are beyond our control. Abuse, fear inducted situations, and other disasters are things that just happen and they are things we pretty much don't have control over. But things like poor hea

Have you ever felt so at odds with people you run into that you wonder, is it me or what? I think of myself as being pretty comfortable around most anyone. But recently I’m discovering that maybe that statement isn’t so true. That maybe as I get older my usual boisterous self is rubbing people I meet the wrong way. I admit that of late, some of the people I’ve ran into aren’t my cup of tea. That most of the people I hear and see say some of the craziest things. Things that even I would give pause to saying with my tongue planted squarely in my cheek. I don’t know, maybe I’m being a bit too sensitive about the whole thing. Maybe the best thing to do is let the “water roll off my back” and live my life. I mean each of us has the God-granted right to live our lives as we see fit. And your way of conducting your self doesn’t have to be in “goosestep” with my way I live. Still a lot of times I can just feel this cold front blowing over the whole world. Where it feels like our patienc

Well it's February 14th the day that most of us scurry about desperately searching for the last flower or chocolate bar left in town. I've had so many epic fails in and around this day, that I practically gave up years ago trying to make my bride happy today. Besides I get a bigger kick out of surprising her on one of the other 300 normal days that I'm not forced to pay extra on. You can call me cheap, but I like to think of myself as... well yeah, cheap's a good word.   Call me a buzz kill but, I do my best to remember which side my "bread is buttered on" most everyday. While a lot of my writing focuses on my sad little tale. I do have a partner that champions for me everyday. On the surface it may not seem we are much of a partnership, considering we are polar opposites on must everything. But not being able to finish each others sentences or like the same TV shows has nothing to much to do with love. To us that just creates a very boring conversation

This morning there’s a big chill is in the Northeastern part of the country but here in the Deep South it's not too bad. But for a lifelong Southerner such as myself, anything under 45 0 f is cold. I suppose the good news is since Easter is early this year, warm weather shouldn’t be too far away. At the moment I'm feeling pretty good. I’ve been pretty busy fixing sinks and doing errands around the house. For me one of the things that show up with my anxiety/panic disorder is a total lack of motivation. You know how it is you just want to hide under the covers and not face the day. One of the things I’ve learned is in order to overcome panic is to first find in yourself the willingness to want to get better. I suppose that’s easy enough a statement to make, but really it is true. Lord knows, I am no poster child for overcoming panic; I still have my days when I just lay in bed and not leave the house. Sometimes it even gets to the point that my safe haven (my office) ca

Hello. The last few days it's been bitterly cold ( at least for me ) so I've basically been under the covers all day. I haven’t been able to warm up. The one nice thing about being cold is it puts my panic disorder into a little prospective. By that I mean I'm spending a lot of my time making sure I'm warm along with the rest of the crew. I know it sounds weird ( crazy  might be a better word) but hey that's me. One of my problems with panic disorder is that it focuses all my attention within myself. Every little pain, out of place twinge, or whatever can turn into a major health incident. One of the things that have brought me through this has been focusing on those around me and taking care of them. But lately though, as the family grows up and become adults, it puts the focus back on me which can mean, well you know. It's frustrating and maddening to believe in your heart that things could be better. Yet the roadblocks your panic/anxiety put in fron

As some of you may know I recently graduated from business school. While the adventure was a tough challenge, I did learn a lot about business and about myself. For one I learned about the importance of planning and strategy. The importance’s of staying on top of current trends and understanding the rules of supply and demand. Along with the rules of business, I learned a lot about myself. For one I learned in a new situation you are usually not the only one in the room that’s a little afraid. I learned that putting yourself out there can be scary, but the reward for doing can be greater. Also I learned leadership isn’t being bossy, it’s leading, it’s supporting, and it’s building. I’m not entirely sure why I even started this post. I suppose more than anything else I’m reminding myself of why I started this adventure. Other than the obvious of building my self-esteem and my skill-set, my main reason was to finish something I started many, many years ago. Haven’t you eve

Good morning. While my sink is still clogged ( I given up ) and I'm recovering from our Super Bowl party ( my wife & I with snacks we didn't need ). So far today I'm paying the price for my poor decisions from last night, wishing I could just go back to bed. Oh well. I've noticed that sometimes I can let my health become a crutch or better yet an excuse to not do what I should be doing. While that can sound a bit harsh, after all the years of giving in, every so often you need to give yourself a swift kick in the ass to get things done. The key is to not hate yourself when you do fail. Although ( at least for me ) self-abuse is a natural reaction to failing. The point is to cut yourself some slack. I mean if your child was learning to ride a bike and fell off, would you scream it them and call them a failure? (If you do, you need more help than I can give you.) Or would you dust off their knees and help them back on. Lord knows we all fail, but it's th

We live in a fairly old house here in the country. So with anything that’s old, things go wrong and this week it’s the kitchen sink. No matter what we have tried it opens up for a moment and then clogs right back up again. As you may or may not know, I’ve just getting off the restrictions put on me by my cardiologist. Then on top of that I suffer from other issues that otherwise dampen a good day. But no matter what problems I personally deal with the sink doesn’t care. Lying in bed the other night moping about my sad sink situation among other things I got me thinking. No matter how much I get down about my own situation: (a) the world ain’t gonna hand me a tissue to wipe my tears, and (b) that sink ain’t gonna fix itself. In other words, despite whatever situation you’re handed, the world just keeps turning.  Funny the lessons you can learn from a sink clogged with “God knows what”. Life has an interesting way of teaching us the things we need to know. Things like, self-pi

Success for most of us can be a loaded word. According to Google Search success means, the accomplishment of an aim or purpose . As for myself, I used to think I had a fear of success. That was because each time it seemed I was near the brass ring, I simply spun by and missed it. What I’ve learned is that success is all in how you make it and manage it. For me this first meant realizing every small victory is a step toward success. People used to ask me why at 45 years of age I thought it was a good idea to complete my college education. I mean logically the economy was knee deep in The Great Recession, the work landscape was rapidly changing from permanent to temp; and college ain’t exactly cheap. Still I went into this adventure with the hope of being successful. At this point I could write a book about my life during my collegiate adventure. But to keep your attention all the point I need to make is, I walked out with my diploma and whole new attitude toward myself. Whil

I don’t know why but I like the people I deal with to be sincere. Got me around a snake oil salesperson and I’m usually ready to head for the door. Now some of you out there that know me may say the same thing about me. And to a point, I might have to agree with you. But from my standpoint there is a broad line that can be draw between snake oil seller and a plain bullshit artist like myself. Mainly, because I’m not trying to sell you a bill of goods just for my own profit, which may account for the fact, I’m the worst salesman that EVER lived. That being said, I wouldn’t expect a sane person to ever take advice from me on how to sell. But I would hope someone out there would believe me when I tell them, most folks can smell insincerity 100 miles away. Sincerity, honesty, and integrity are good foundations to build your character on. To put aside one of these principles’ for the sake of profit does not abide well with most individuals. So way do we do it? I for one am not as