Stories - FD Thornton

Someone please tell me why I’m sitting outside in this 101° heat index weather? Sometimes I ain’t got the sense God gave a goat, but still here I am. I guess for a moment I just wanted to breathe some unrefrigerated air. The gnats haven’t caught wind of me yet, so at least I got that going for me. Up in the sycamore trees I got a murder of crows calling out to each other. I’m sure they’re here to eat the figs, which I guess is just fine, considering how many bloomed this year. Remember what I said about the gnats? Well they finally have tuned in to my signal, I think it was the crows that gave away my location.  It's relatively quiet around here. Took my bride to the store so she could spend some of her birthday money. Then I had to go by the courthouse to see about some business for our special needs son. Nothing ever seems easy. I got to take care of some paperwork for him that otherwise will never get done. Your lives are an endless array of responsibilities and duti

Since many enjoy reading about my pain and suffering, today I woke up with a blinding sinus headache and good dose of the “whoa is me’s”. The headache I’m pretty sure I don’t have to explain, but the “whoa is me’s” is just a good case of feeling sorry for myself. I’m sure everyone goes through it and I’m pretty damn sure we each got our own way of dealing with it. You either cry in your coffee or get mad and act like me, and turn into a cynical asshole.  So for my own protection and that of others in my life, I’ve barricaded myself in this room. Hoping that at some point my headache will clear or my attitude towards the world will subside. Right now all my chips are riding on the headache. Self-deprecation is a defensive weapon I use well. Self-forgiveness is a new tactic I still have difficulty managing. Asking forgiveness of others is an even harder task to master.  From a world where relentless bullying was the norm. It’s still very difficult for me to sympathize with th

It’s 5:15 in the afternoon and my stupid ass is back outside. I just checked the phone and it’s a balmy 90° with a feel like temperature of 99°f. I figured since I was hot in the room with the AC on, I might as well come outside and do same thing. Earlier I read a funny meme from my sibling on Facebook that read, “Can someone send me a hug?” copy and share. Rather sarcastically I replied, “We are not huggers , didn’t we grow up in the same house?” Probably no truer words have ever been spoken about our lives as kids. Oh, we weren’t beaten or overly abused, we were just not raised all “touchy feely”. Not surprisingly most kids of our generation weren’t raised that way either. We were provided for in our working class suburban homes. It’s just that a lot of time wasn’t devoted to things like feelings and emotions. You were expected to tough it out and swallow those tears. I guess one place where we could let our emotions go was church. Raised during the infancy of the “Pentecostal Moveme

Again against my better judgement, I’m back outside. And as usual the lawn crew that mows the two strips of grass for the EMC are back at it again. They have a crew of at least three and they take at least three hours to mow those two strips of grass. Whereas Mr. Brown can mow my entire yard in less than 30 minutes. It begs me to question, who’s getting paid by the hour. Thank God only about six people actually read anything I write this far or I’d be getting letters from union groups right now. It's a kinda hazy day already and the gnats are out in full force. Normally I would just sit in my room till October but with the promise of a little breeze I couldn’t help but come outside. So with the back drop of a few birds, the smell of laundry, and the hum of dueling leaf blowers. I can’t help but feel inspired to inspire you with my words. But seriously, after a weekend of being trapped in a dark bedroom with two fans and a broke down AC going. Just about anything’s bett

It’s one of those melancholy days today, with the sun bleeding heat under an umbrella of high humidity. I had to defrost my AC this morning, apparently it froze up over night. I turned it to fan mode then turned a box fan towards the coils to dry them out. Considering it was a balmy 74° this morning it didn’t take long for it to dry out. Other than that my delicious dinner from last night has come back to bite me in the ass (quite literally) this morning. So I’m once again sitting around here dressed pretty the same as my newborn grandchild. I’m all to pieces sorry I can’t offer you a more picturesque view of my life. But unlike some people I enjoy following that are either on a beach vacation or traveling overseas. My station in life is planted right here either making doctor appointments or being a caregiver to my family members. But such as it is, I pretty much walked into this situation with my eyes wide open. I knew 35 years ago my bribe had her limitations. And as far

From the picture I took, I almost look productive. It’s funny, during my college years it was nothing for me to either be sitting at my desk doing work or laying flat on my back with the laptop doing the same. But not long after the “widow maker” I had during my Capstone Exam for my MBA. My mind and especially my body made a U-turn in my priorities and dropped me here where I am today. I haven’t written anything other than a few lines of poetry recently. My failing condition and this extreme heat have kept any deeper thoughts at bay. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before continuing, packing together whatever random ideas I may have. I suppose if anything, I’d like to say productivity and the bottom line are not the end all be all goal of human existence. I used to think money and admiration were the goals that I needed to obtain happy  life. Now given my life experiences I would say it’s the simple things like a cool morning breeze or the stretching of our newest li

Me and my bride just got back from the big store chain that doesn’t compensate me for mentioning them, so I won’t. Last night it was stuffy and hot with the temperature hovering around 80° at midnight. So I woke up dizzy with a headache. Even after dropping my morning meds, the headache and lightheadedness still hasn’t gone away. Long story short, after putting the groceries put up, I’m now sitting in the shade of the trees in our backyard. There’s not much to write about at the moment other than I also have an enormous crick in my neck. Which may go a long ways in explaining my dizziness. Still down the street a neighbor is getting their grass mowed. Our lawn was mowed Tuesday by Mr. Brown, with this being the first time I’ve been outside in a couple of weeks. Between the headache and the dizziness, there’s sharp pain is running down my leg again. Reminding me if nothing else most physical and some emotional pain will definitely teach you a little about patience. In bet

I once more I seem to be saving the world again, least for a few people I love. Laying here with a ice cold glass of lemoned tea and an ice pack on my head. I’ve been chatting with a few folks about this or that. Talking with some that about my situation, while I in turn talking with them about there’s. It’s sort of a funny thing, a good deal of these people I have never met, let alone spoke with face to face. But seeing that most of my schooling and business work was conducted online. I have little trouble navigating the various time zones and international date lines that can hamper long distance communications.  Seeing that I live in a rural area blessed with high speed internet. I’m both isolated and connected at the same time. Which works out great for me considering the anxieties and phobias I have to contend with. Unfortunately in person I’m thought of as a blunt and abrasive person. An egotistical person with little to no compassion or empathy. Which I guess is all

With a feel like temperature of 113° (45°C) hopefully this is will be the hottest temperature of the week. But in a year of crazy up and down temperatures, who knows what we’ll end up with by summers end. For the last several days I’ve been hiding out in my bedroom/office with the curtains drawn and the AC blasting. But even with all that it’s still in the upper 70’s in here. I already jumped a cold shower once today, with plans for another one later. My bride seems immune to hot weather in the living room with nothing but a fan.  Don’t worry everybody I’ve stayed plenty hydrated this spring and summer. With temperatures hovering in the low-80’s since February I kind of knew what kind of summer this was going to be. Much like my old man a glass of ice water or tea ain’t far out of my reach. I don’t know why I started writing this little ditty other than the fact that am a little bored. Not much going on in my head, which has been a refreshing change. Went to see the new gra

  After nearly 25 years of diagnosed clinical depression, the steps I take into that cold water are no less chilling. You find yourself slowly backing away from the interactions I usually enjoy. I find yourself stepping closer to those dark thoughts of selfishness and jealousy. For those of you that may not understand the battle is most definitely real. Outwardly your mask is all polished and shiny, but inwardly your just a giant mass of cross wired circuits waiting to explode. At a certain point you grow tired of apologizing to yourself and to others. You simply retreat into the covey hole you’ve created for yourself. Where for the most part you can just ignore the waves of depression until they just go away. I guess you can say I’ve been “blessed” with the ability to articulate my thoughts onto the screen. Like some poet in reverse I can describe the many splintered thoughts that cross my mind. For the most part I don’t mind exploring the murky waters that surround my soul. Call it