Stories - FD Thornton

If you were to ask me where my love of music began, I’d have to say in the womb. From the beginning I was surrounded by music although neither of my parents were musicians. I suppose most of the credit should go to my mother for putting the music bug in me. At no stage of my young life can I recall music not playing in our home. At first it was whatever was playing on the radio that filled the house. In later years as my parents grew more religious the music changed, but there was still music. My musical tastes run the gambit of music from my early exposure to popular hits, from rock and country, to my indoctrination into religious and southern gospel music. But even listing those genres doesn’t cover the variety of my musical taste. I often find myself laughing at the algorithmic programming of Amazon and Spotify when they try and narrow in on my musical taste. Simply because my musical taste it can vary with the wind. As my wife can tell you, one night bluegrass might be pou

A couple of weeks again I was holding our granddaughter in my arms. She’s four months old now and just as soft and lite as she as when we first met. As her little fingers grasp mine, you can see the curiosity and wonder shine through her eyes. Oh, I know this may sound like the ravings of a doting grandpa. But honestly hasn’t everyone seen this in eyes of every child you’ve met? Children can remind us of the wonder we once felt when learning to tie a shoe or seeing our first falling star. But many of us only look at the world through the harden eyes and hearts of an adult never seeing the beauty that is around us. Sadly, it’s because of us that children have to suffer never getting the chance to experience wonder. They end up only getting to see the reality of a life that's hard and where surviving is even harder. Some say evolution demands this of us, but I say they are wrong. I believe in a higher gift that makes us better than just looking out for ourselves. It’s a gi

I’ve been writing this blog for about five years now. For most part I try to be encouraging, motivational, and optimistic with my post. But along with that, I’ve tried to remain as honest as I can, if for no other reason than to be true to myself. Recently I have been putting together a collection of past blog posts for a short novel I hope to publish soon on Kindle Books. The process has required me to review the some 400+ posts I have made over the years. At this point I am gone through about two years of posting that covers a lot of my adventures through school and job searching. The thing that has stuck out most to me through this period was the optimism which I wrote. But when looking back at this and then looking at how things have turned out, I honestly feel I’ve cheated myself, my family, and the people who read the blog. I realize how silly that may sound, but I’ve always wanted to be authentic and true. You see over the years I’ve sat through a lot of brain storming, a

I've been sorta keeping to myself of late. Kinda felt like I'd run out of words to say and I've been feeling a little under the weather. Yesterday was the zenith of my "bad days" when I just didn't feel well all day. Last night in fact, I woke-up around 3 am ( as usual ) with a bit of a panic attack. I thought about getting up and trying to shake it off, but instead I simply talked to myself saying, " this too shall pass ." After that little episode, I continued to wake-up every hour or so, but at least I could drift back to sleep.  Surprisingly enough, I got up feeling a better than I have the whole weekend. To the point that I even got up, dressed, shaved, and headed to the hospital and have my bi-weekly blood work done. Without any of the usual residual effect left over from my past night's anxiety.   Sometimes I just amaze myself, I honestly do. I mean after a bout with my usual demons it sometimes surprises me how well I can bounce b

Over the last several years the divide between this group or that group in society has grown wider and wider. The strides that society had appeared to make in years past, now seem to have been thrown out with the bathwater. Now I’m not without my own prejudices, but at the same time I’ve learned when to hold my tongue and give the other fellow a chance to speak. It seems as a society we’ve forgotten how to do that, to be respectful and understand that others opinions do matter.  Recently a special election was held in the area, and in one of the candidate’s TV ads he mentioned to the viewers, “I’m one of you” . That small statement stuck out to me like a sore thumb. I’m sure the candidate only meant to identify with the voters. But for me it brought up images of how individuals throughout history have used division to create fear, anger,  and hatred.  You know we are better than this, this nation was built on the foundation that all are created equal. That this foundation was to

Since I last wrote not a lot has been going on. Just making plans for who we are going to see at the holidays and just living life day by day. The holidays for whatever reason haven't been my thing for a long time. I mean when our family was young it was a treat to see the kids tear into their presents. But now that they are much older the holiday has lost its luster.  I suppose I still have a real issue with self-esteem comparing my personal situation with other family members. I mean it’s nothing I have against those I love. It’s just that when you deal with throwing your own shortcomings at yourself; you can’t help but think others “successes” amplify your failure.  I could go into a long list of examples on this, but I'm sure you get the point.  I think my one true regret to having these kinds of feelings about the holidays, is that it seems to have rubbed off on my kids. If anything as parents we never want our children to turn out like us, we want them to be better.

It's funny how at some point in your life you get used to looking over your shoulder for the next disaster. I suppose it has something to do with our shared panic of the times we live in or in my case, the Panic Disorder I’ve lived with for nearly 20 years. But when I think about it, I believe a majority of people around us feel the same way.  My question here is, is our pessimism a good thing or should we work to be more optimistic. Well for years I've lived on both sides of the fence. Either living under the cloud of when the next shoe was going to drop or telling myself how important it is to be a winner.   Honestly for me, neither one of these scenarios is a natural fit. When I'm looking over my shoulder, deep inside I still believe things can get better. Yet when I've worked in fields that require an aura optimism, I fail miserably. Do you see what I mean?  I suppose it all boils down to the same theme I hammer on with nearly every post, which is balance. N

For the last few weeks I’ve been talking about real faith and compassion toward one another. But inside I honestly feel I’ve failed, failed in my message, failed in my actions. You may ask, how can say that? What do you have to do with the events of the past few weeks? As just one individual in a small corner of the world, that may be true. My influence, my power to change things is limited. But is it really? One spark of light can be quite dim from far away. But many sparks can create a light that can be seen and felt from far away. One light may not light the world, but many lights can illuminate the truth, the truth that each of us chooses our own path. That our faith is here to bring us peace and not to bring hatred.   If enough of us let our light shine, we can push out the darkness that surrounds our world. Many of us live under different faiths, but the overwhelming truth is that we have only one world. Its respect, compassion, and civility that should direct our actions;

I wasn't really planning on writing anything today. But the other night for no reason that I'm aware of, my old friend the defibrillator went off then stopped. It was warning me that it was about to shock me, but like I said it stopped before it did.  If you read my post with any regularity you know of my recent health situation. But for the past few months I’ve worn the monitor/defibrillator all has been quite. So when this thing woke me from a sound sleep, you can imagine it sent me into panic mode. Even though I know it was either a glitch or maybe I rolled over wrong, with panic there’s no reasoning with the situation. So you’re left there to ride it through. After breathing through the panic and working to face the fear. I finally went back to sleep. Still when I woke up the next morning I was still a bit unnerved. As usual I tried to ignore what I was feeling by burying myself under the covers. Then I decided to get up, pop my meds, and at least act if it was just a