A Certain Degree of Peace

While my head seems to be in a good place, my “Spidey Senses” are starting to tingle. Feeling a little discomfort, I’m hoping for the moment it’s just a panic attack. These things hit you sometimes out of the blue, but what can you do but talk yourself down.

It’s funny after all these years how your mind can still race on about the “what ifs”. When it comes to my panic, my mind’s takes whatever I’m feeling and runs with it. At the moment it’s a slight discomfort in my chest. So is it real, is it not? My panic doesn’t care it’s just running with the feeling.

Surprisingly enough my mind is still basically in control, which is the weirdest thing when you think about it. Because while my panic gets up a head of stream, my head will say, let’s wait a minute and see what happens. I suppose that’s what happens after 24 years of dealing with it.

It’s funny in a way how this whole thing works. In a way I’ve adapted my panic into my existence. For one I use it to monitor myself physically. When it happens, I give it my attention, I ask it what is wrong and then go from there. If I’ve learned anything being about Panic Disorder it’s that, the more you try to suppress it or ignore it, the worse it gets. There are many out there that claim they can cure panic, and for all I know that may be true. But what I know is through compassion, listening, and letting go I have found a certain degree of peace.