It's Everything

What is self? What is healing? In the Christian faith I was taught self is inherently bad. That the seeds of the father are passed on to the son. That the only way to break the chain of inherent sin is to give up one’s self. To take on a life of selflessness and servitude. Now your option my vary, but that’s how I was taught. A few decades ago, I found myself broken. But to be honest it started a lot earlier than that. I walled myself in creating this shell of “everything’s fine”. But deep inside I was slowly dying.

In the process everything around me had to die as well. My escape was to abuse and lash out at everything and everyone I loved. All the while killing myself with “a thousand tiny cuts”. Friends and family insisted I had just lost faith in God. But when you found myself under the covers balled up in the fetal position crying for help, and no help comes. You tend to get a bit jaded about the whole God save me thing. Again, your option my vary.

 

What I have learned since then is for me to forgive. Not only myself, but those that harmed me. That self is important to one’s well-being as well as one’s life balance. That without sadness there can be no happiness, that without pain there can be no healing. We are all connected us humans; not only to the earth, but to the sky, and anything else. To think more of one over the other throws us out of balance. To lose one’s self is a slippery slope; it can throw things out of balance. Listen I'm not here to judge your faith. Just know that life is more than just surrender, it’s forgiving yourself.