What You Came In For


Well it’s me again like a damn fool sitting in the 2:30 in the afternoon shade. It’s currently 86° with a feel like temperature of 106°. Me and my bride just got back from her doctor’s appointment in Dublin. And pretty much like any other doctors appointment, she’s got to have test done before they can give her a solid diagnosis. The test is scheduled for two weeks down the road. So by the time the doctor gets the results, they’ve already forgotten what they wanted you to have the test for in the first place.

It's the same old routine I’ve grown quite accustomed too for myself. But in the case of my bride, it means I have to go through the same routine of gathering all the information and then making informed decisions for her. But don’t worry this ain’t nothing new. It’s just that my bones are a bit more brittle and my mind a bit cloudier. So we persevere me, my bride, and the relentless gnats that are biting me. But sitting outside feeling the breeze and smelling the diesel from the passing log trucks, is a small upgrade of the dead silence of my room.

Searching for shade between the sycamore and fig leaves usually offers a respite from what happens in life. But age and the increasing intolerance of the world gives no pleasure. I dare not ask myself why, because I fear the answer. Praying to a “higher power” doesn’t offer the relief it once did. For now it tells me to be patient , and for what? The same answer I often come up with myself? Focus and honesty are your only friends. Love and self-compassion are the only things that can save you.

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