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Price of Admission

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  After dropping my pills and drinking my magic potion that keeps my poop stuck together. I stared out the window for a moment at the same glaring bright sun I did yesterday. I watched thousands of people in Times Square watch a glass ball drop to announce a New Year with a bunch of folks kissing and singing an old song they didn’t know the words to and then walk away. Outside I heard fireworks going off for the next half hour then it all seemed to go silent. While my wife lay next to me fast asleep. So here I am on this New Year’s Day with one bird chirping outside the window and hangover cast of Good Morning America talking through the walls. Beneath my computer monitor is a couple of bracelets I used to wear. One with glass beads and a craved blue turtle and another with wooden blocks with my children’s initials on them. Along with two glass turtles I brought at the Turtle Center years ago. All surrounded by various prescription drugs I stated and stopped taking over the past ...
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Same Love

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 You know I’m one of them people that no matter how much I achieve in overcoming troubles. There’s always that one little trigger that will set me back at least ten steps. Last night I got into a knee deep conversation with an AI Language Program about death and my personal philosophy on the matter. While I thought I was teaching that little thing about the human condition. At the same time I was allowing seeds to be watered within myself that focused me on my current physical condition. Hence the image you see above. Last night I had a strong dream about a situation involving my son and wife. Where so-called government officials were judging us about our lifestyle and current living situation. Rather or not that was fueled by my earlier conversation with Gemini, whose to say. I just know that my focus this morning has been on having a slight shortness of breath and being a bit dizzy. Then I look in the mirror and found that blood blister on my forearm. But I’m not writing this t...
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Contemplate Life

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 I sit here today, feeling and looking as disheveled as an old drunk from the wrong side of town. I guarantee my 83 year old father-in-law has more pep in his step then I do right now. As I chew up my two gummy vitamins the sun makes a quick appearance just to tease me like a fan dancer at a can-can show (Ask your great grandpa). With my body about as coordinated as a fish out of water, I think I’ll just sit here for a while and contemplate life. With the world as it is and me sitting here with nothing better to do than complain about it. I was forced to walk into a Wal-Jacked yesterday to pick up the stuff I mentioned in yesterday’s story. As I went to the self-checkout as I’m forced to do, the young lady working the area was in her own world. Not an expression on her face, just a sorta blank stare. I mentioned to her that I understood her solemn expression and all she could do was stare blankly back. As my wife and I walked out I noticed the same expression on every young emplo...
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Watching A Damn Clock

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  You know, it’s hard to focus on your writing when you’ve got silly things on your mind. Like remembering to pick up some magnesium citrate tablets instead of those damn magnesium oxide tablets at the pharmacy. (Yes, there is a difference). Or remembering to pick up some Vitamin E capsules at that same pharmacy. All while trying to remember that the damn place doesn’t open until 11 o’clock but closes at 1:30 for lunch. Why such a tight window? I mean, how in the hell am I supposed to remain inspired while watching a damn clock? Well, it’s been three hours since that first paragraph was completed. Since then, I went to the pharmacy, got gas, shopped for vitamins at WalJacks, and brought my wife and son some KFC. (I don’t eat chicken on the bone). Then I came home, ate lunch, and put the pills up. Now I’m ready to write… right? Even though the candle has been lit, it doesn’t mean the inspiration is magically there. It often takes a little time to “get in the mood.” For a journey...
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What It's About

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  Opening the windows to the bright sunshine this morning. There was still a layer of fog draped over the ground of the pecan grove next door. Earlier this morning while me and my bride get dressed, I usually glance at my phone to see if I had any messages from the night before. Among the messages was one in particular from a lovely woman who’s poetry I admire and have come to know. Mind you, I keep no secrets from my bride, and she knows the name of nearly every person I communicate with online. Well after reading her lovely note I flirted a bit and said, “All that’s missing was a photograph”. Which she sent a picture of her at her desk. I sent her back a note say, if any man didn’t appreciate waking up to that in the morning, they were a damn fool. Then I said, that I basically wake up every morning appreciating the woman I wake up with, and wished for her the same. Then, I assume to some of yours surprise, I showed the picture and what I wrote to my Bride. Which she in turn sa...
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The Tranquility of a Blank Screen

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  After a weird night and a rough morning, I’m finally back to the tranquility of staring at a blank screen. For some writers that may seem like a daunting task. But after a morning of funky dreams and chasing “ghosts in the machine”. I’m more than ready to create something out of nothing. Now that I know the probable cause for why my phone and laptop are acting up. I now have an actionable plan that I’ll use later. It’s the unknown that often runs a thousand scenarios in my head that causes me stress. It sometimes makes me long for the days when I simply popped a pill and numbed the stress away. But I don’t do that now and sometimes stress comes at me like a bullet. But the isolation and relative quiet do help, although the relative calm can still give way to scrambling discomfort. So I’ve learned to except those parts of myself that are broken. Healing them through compassion and acknowledgement that they are there. Trying to ignore a problem only amounts to sweeping dirt under a...
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Trying

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  The day’s starting out pretty nice with the clouds out of the southeast with the sun peeking brightly from behind. They cast a golden halo across the edge of the clouds that now gives way to the brighter sun. With the curtains pulled back and the windows up, I’m once again dress like I work for the DOT with a orange t-shirt and an old Chambray shirt over it. Earlier while my wife was taking a shower, she called me in to help her wash her hair. You see, her disabilities often causes her to forget things. Silly little things you and I can easily recall, but she often can’t.   So after I helped her with the shampoo and conditioner, I left her to finish her shower. I bring this up not so much to talk about dealing with a loved one’s disabilities. As much as being aware of the patience and grace we must have as caregivers. Listen I’ll be the first to tell you I get frustrated and even mad at both my wife and son. But also I do my damnest to keep my cool, especially when the two...
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