Stories - FD Thornton

I'm sitting here thinking about how bad my posture is when I sit in front of this computer. I mean first thing in the morning, it's not so bad; I can keep myself upright pretty well. But as the day progresses my back and shoulders start slouching to the will of gravity and my own laziness. It's kinda silly when you think about it; I mean I sat through all the safety classes on the value of good posture. You'd think I'd learned something instead of taking a paid nap and eating their donuts. But that's the way it is with humans we learn best through trial and error. It seems no matter how many lectures I sat through with my parents, I didn't learn a damn thing until I screwed up. Life is a series of lessons learned, and most of the time the only way we learn is through mistakes. One of my major issues that brought about my panic and anxiety is the fact that I was ill equipped to handle rejection. I have such low self-esteem that the slightest tear at ...

FD Thornton 2016 It getting close to the end of the month and if you’re like me that means its slim pickins’ for everything from the pantry, to fuel in the truck, right down to how much toilet paper you got. But that’s how it is for the working poor. For a really long time I wouldn’t embrace the idea that we were poor. I remember my grandmother once telling during the Great Depression they were too poor to realize they were poor. I suppose you can take that to mean if poverty is a way of life, what other way do you know. I suppose you can take that to mean many number of things. Like if you’ve lived in abusive relationships long enough you tend to consider that the norm. Or if you have been called names all your life you tend to think that maybe they’re right and I am worthless scum. It’s pretty easy for us to be conditioned into thinking we are of less value than you really are. I think the difference comes when you see yourself coming from a comfortable life and then l...

For the last few days I've been checking social media and reading my friends and families posts about the Thanksgiving holiday. Most of the posts were very positive, some were funny and some reflective on the spirit of the holiday. Still I sit here in front of my computer screen not looking for any company or even planning a big feast. I don't want to sound like a Scrooge or seem bitter or even appear melancholy, it's just the way it is. When I was a kid I suppose holidays excited like most every kid. As I got older I think it was the idea that our kids were excited that pumped me up for the holidays. But for the past decade or so holidays and other celebrations just don't do a thing for me. I would like to pinpoint some specific reason for my attitude, but honestly I can't. It could be the mental health issues I deal with, it could be genetics, or it could be the medications I take in order to function. Thinking back my Mom would simply tell me to pray my way t...

Awaken again by my restless slumber I got up to pen a few lines about words to were spoken to me yesterday. Over the phone a person whom I dearly loved expressed their delight at the changes occurring in the country today. That it was there hope that the changes brought about earlier in the month would bring our country back to Christ. I remained silent as they spoke those words, because all that went through my mind was the hate and condemnation that was laced into those words of “Make America Great Again” . I am part of a group that honestly believes they are somehow blessed or special among the people of the world. Being white, male, christian, and of English-German heritage; despite my current station in life, I’m supposed to somehow be superior? My family comes from humble beginnings, on both sides of the tree my family were sharecroppers, farms, merchants, and laborers. If anything I suppose the one advantage we had was that we were white. But according to the way I w...

FD Thornton 2016 I had planned on writing this morning, but the lighting was really good so instead I went to the local park and shot some images instead. Anyway last night was pretty good I slept through most of the night and got up feeling fairly good. I think the shock of my fellow countrymen electing a reality show star has passed and now it's time to refocus on my own work and truth telling. It’s funny how events in your life shape the way you end up. For the longest time I felt that by finishing my education would better myself in life. Making for myself a better career, a better life, you know the routine. But as I studied and made connections towards that goal, I found myself still dealing with the same shit I always dealt like my poor self-image and self-loathing. It seemed that despite my best efforts I was defeating myself by not tackling to the real issue, which was my hatred of myself. Self-sacrifice and selflessness are noble qualities, but when you use ...

Remembering those who can't help themselves. Well the sawing and hammering ended Friday. Our daughter did some painting and the replaced screens on the back porch look good; along with the some rotten boards that were replaced on the front porch along with some new porch columns. I felt good enough to go for a walk after dinner yesterday, which wasn't such a great idea because I when I finished I was a little light-headed. But after four days of staring at four walls and watching bad TV I had to do something. But other than that I had an enjoyable Saturday watching College Football. Go Dawgs! Reflecting on things as I usually do, I asked myself if the election results really affected me that much and to be honest they did. It saddened me more than anything to see that my fellow countrymen would rather burn the house down instead of just repairing the leaks. So after my little hospital stay and another self-imposed news blackout; I've come to the conclusion that t...