Freestyle #465: Waiting

Now this is more like the good old days, with me waking up around 12 or 1 AM typing away trying to figure out what's keeping me awake. But in reality this is the here and now and for whatever reason I'm up. Honestly can't tell you the reason I'm up so early. I did have an interesting dream that involved my ex-wife and us adopting a baby (which by the way, we never planned to do). But during our brief marriage my ex did have a miscarriage, that took her a while to get over.

I bring that up only to guess at why I'm up so damn early. By the way, she did later give birth to at least one daughter I'm aware of. Anyway, here I am pecking away at the keys looking for a reason for this bout with insomnia. You'd think after all this time I'd just get used to it and move on. But like so many of us I have my good nights and bad nights. The one thing that's seems to be different lately is the lack of intensity I experience from anxiety. In other words, that doesn't seem to be the thing that wakes me up.

But who the hell knows? I will say I am a little light-headed, but not any degree that it's freaking me out. It's just uncomfortable. I suppose I'll sit here and do what I always do and type away at these keys, till I either get sleepy or come up with an answer.

Pain sometimes can be a reminder that we are after all human. That we are not machines that can simply be stopped and have whatever defective part to be replaced. We have to bear the burden of healing and wait for the suffering to end. So I suppose at the moment that's what I'm sitting here and doing. Waiting for the pain to pass or to feel the relief of true peace.

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