Etched Across My Face

Since I last wrote not a lot has been going on. Just making plans for who we are going to see at the holidays and just living life day by day. The holidays for whatever reason haven't been my thing for a long time. I mean when our family was young it was a treat to see the kids tear into their presents. But now that they are much older the holiday has lost its luster. 

 I suppose I still have a real issue with self-esteem comparing my personal situation with other family members. I mean it’s nothing I have against those I love. It’s just that when you deal with throwing your own shortcomings at yourself; you can’t help but think others “successes” amplify your failure.  I could go into a long list of examples on this, but I'm sure you get the point. 

 I think my one true regret to having these kinds of feelings about the holidays, is that it seems to have rubbed off on my kids. If anything as parents we never want our children to turn out like us, we want them to be better. In my situation I would never want my children (or anyone) to end up with the problems I put up with every day.  

 But you know what; every time I look into a mirror I can't help but look into the face of my own dad. With each passing year the lines grow deeper and hairs a bit grayer. We all have enough guilt and regret etched across our faces. So while the feelings of inadequacy may never truly go away. You and I must clang to the hope that we are doing the best we can. That the worry we feel is the compass that makes us try harder. 

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