Nothing


Not that I’m feeling particularly inspired this morning. I thought I’d just lay here and jot down a few lines, just to see where they take me. A while back I had a doctor tell me I must have a high tolerance for pain, considering the procedure he was doing to me. Well, I don’t know about that, because yesterday I was going through a fair amount of pain and embarrassment.

The part l hate the most about being sick is constant control it has over my life. I mean we all have our inconveniences with illness from time to time. It just seems like for the last 20 years; I’ve been bouncing from one illness to another like a ping pong ball in a lottery machine. Between mental and physical illnesses, I can’t seem to catch a break. And yes, I know. Everyone says to, “Hang in there baby”. But there are times when I’m just tired of hanging there. Besides, you ever wonder how many times that poor kitten got put up in that tree just to get that shot?

So what’s the moral or hidden gem in all this? For one, love and compassion will make you do funny things. They will push you to your breaking point. Now what’s that got to do with illness and such? Well for one, a person will push themselves to the edge for the love they seek. If that love is not reciprocated, you ain’t doing nothing but diggin your own grave.

I often talk to people that are doing just that, giving but never receiving. Don’t allow your need for love to overshadow the love you should be giving yourself. For too long I tried to kill myself with destructive habits just to bury my pain because of a lack of love. Stop allowing yourself to be destroyed by your own lack of compassion towards yourself. Self-abuse comes in many forms. Yet, they all lead to the same goal… pain.  

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