Stocked Up

(Buffy, our three year old Calico rescue)

It’s nearly four in the afternoon and I’m just getting a chance to sit outside. Since six this morning I’ve been prepping the house for my upcoming surgery. It’s basically a day surgery where I pop in and pop out the same day. But I do have my particular precautions due to my heart situation and the medications I take. I can’t say I’m excited, but the doctors are sure that this procedure will help more than it hurts.  

So I’m giving the house an extra cleaning, keeping the dishes and laundry caught up and cleaned. I got my meal planning done for the week. Went to the store and stocked up on pantry items. Went and took care of George, and gassed up the Kia. Basically, making plans for a weekend of quiet recovery.

So I’m sitting here in my outdoor rocker. Enjoying a very pleasant warm breeze. The grass just got mowed, so I got the smell of fresh cut grass surrounding me. Any other day, I’d probably be super duper happy. But all I can think about is making sure anyone’s taken care of while I’m out. Reminding me of long ago fears of death and who’d take care of Lisa and the kids. While doing the very things that eventually drove me towards the edge.

The winds picking up a little stronger and there are a few rain clouds overhead. But I’m refusing to move. At least not until I feel some raindrops. Storms come and storms go, and all we can ever really do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Living in this fishbowl I call life; I lay out a lot of myself to the public. Other’s may find that frightening, but for me it helps me keep it real, which really helps me find my center. Hopefully all my confessing will help someone else who feels the same way. I mean, what’s having peace of mind if it can’t be shared?

 

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