The Lives You've Touched


 

With supper going and the window cracked open, I’m watching the sunset on another chilly day in South Georgia. I wrote a little story this morning but didn’t publish it, so after printing up about 50 pages of forms I need to fill out. I spent the rest of the day laying on the bed with a heating pad and comforter, doom scrolling the day away. Sitting here now, I swear I can hear kids out at the playground, but I may be wrong. It’s hard to tell with my wife’s TV blaring in the living room.  

 But such as it is in the life of a man on disability and retirement. Living on a fixed income with most of whatever I saved going to pay old hospital bills and for such luxuries as groceries. But I really don’t mean to be so cynical, it’s just a defensive posture I’ve developed over the years to protect my sanity. But given my history of mental illness, you can see how far that has gotten me.

 I don’t mind talking about myself and my many faults, unlike a number of the overconfident bullies I grew up around. But I see them on their own FB pages either bragging about their hot new girlfriend or about the new truck they went in hock to buy just for the ego. But I digress, for those folks don’t even bother me anymore. If anything I feel empathy for them living a life searching for the next best thing. I know because I used to do it myself. Till my mental breakdown showed me a better way.

 While lying in the fetal position barely surviving with four small children and a wife dependent on me. I discovered “thoughts and prayers” weren’t doing shit. If anything they were making me feel worse. It wasn’t until I discovered the quite words of a little Vietnamese Monk, that helped change my attitude and direction.

 For my over zealot friends and family buried knee deep in religious dogma, I’m sorry to hurt your feelings. Maybe what you need are just more “thoughts and prayers”. Sorry, sometimes I can’t help myself. The point is, find your peace in the places where you can. Rather it’s knee deep in the Bible or the Quran, or the Mahayana Sutras.  Just be in the moment, and stop measuring yourselves by the toys you’ve collected, instead measure yourself by the lives you’ve touched. 


#BeTheLight #Compassion #Empathy #PeaceOfMind  

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