Time & Again

Google Gemini

Here we are again in the middle of the night. Buried beneath the covers of the bed, with my bride gently snoring by my side. After a day of quiet tension I did my best to keep myself hidden. Away from the glaring lights of reality for most of the day. But after the lights went out, I buried my head into the conclusion of an audio book. That unexpectedly triggered some past and present trauma I thought I could avoid. I don’t blame the book, a recent autobiography that deals with a lot of physical and mental abuse. But still I kinda thought I had gotten over most of that, but listening to someone else’s truth showed me a mirror into some of that trauma still hidden within me.

Still I pressed on and finished the audiobook knowing it had an encouraging ending. It’s just interesting to see how the seeds of your own dark past can be replanted from just a reflection. But like I said, I can’t blame the book for all of it. I walked into this situation already watering those seeds with my own “what if’s”. Funny how issues you thought you had walked past can resurface in full bloom. But just as it has always been with me, there will always be weeds that I thought I had pulled, that seem to spring back up time and again.

A just ending to these thoughts alludes me at the moment. No different than at any other time in my adult life. But I am better equipped to handle the situation then I was in the past. For one I speak honestly about my thoughts letting the world know at their core. They are nothing more than the reliving of past traumas that I often cannot out run. But what is the point of running? For the fear never leaves you, it only comes back in different ways. So we must face the fear and by doing that we take away its power.

#MentalAbuse #Fear #EmbraceYourFear #ListenCompassionately #Forgive