Got Me Down

FD Thornton - 2017

As much as I'd hate to admit it, the weather was getting me down. Over the past number of weeks a lot of my friends and family have been sick. While I felt pretty good during the December cold snap; ever since Christmas I’ve been feeling pretty rough. Today I’m stopped up and congested, have a headache, my joints hurt, and I’m not sleeping very well. I'm pretty sure this is why I’ve been in a fouler than usual mood. (Like it can get any worse.)

As weird as this may sound, holidays put me into a long state of boredom. You see one of the things has helped me cling to whatever reality I have left, is the habit of routine. Just the idea of having a routine seems comforting to by mind. I was explaining to my oldest child recently GAD, Panic, and whatever the hell else I've been diagnosed with doesn't lend to a cheerful outlook at times. So the power of an established routine at least gives me some sense of normalcy. 

Also my condition sometimes makes me feel like I have a dual personality. By that I mean, while I did enjoy being social, talking with friends, and simply acting the fool. I find that I require a lot of alone time to recharge. Last Friday is a good example of this, it was our usual first of the month “spread the love day”; you know paying bills, refilling medications, and restocking the fridge. The week before I was ready to get out of the house and feel a little bit normal. But that Thursday I had an appointment with a new doctor out of the area and that was causing me a shitload of stress. Even though that appointment got cancelled (by the doctor), it really took the wind out of my sails.

While I did get through Friday, I had another busy Saturday; today some boring routine would be nice. My oldest kid pointed out that getting out and taking a walk won't hurt, and she has a valid point. Sucking in some fresh air and taking a picture or two does clear the mind. Even though I shoot pictures of the same images over and over again; it’s the idea that I’m creating that eases my mind.

I suppose the thing I should take away from this confession is; life's about living and not just sitting on the sidelines. I may have obstacles in my way both physically and mentally, but I shouldn't use those things as an excuse not to live. It seems my life has been this one long learning lesson; that I wish I could stop and enjoy the benefits of sometimes. But considering how hard headed I am (don't everyone say AMEN at once), it's no wonder my whole life has become a work in progress.