Doing My Best


Looking at the springtime from the comfort of my room, I suppose it has perks. For one: temperature control, two: my heating pad, and three: a soft bed to fall back on. There are days when I get so tired of being tired. Thinking back, it was nothing for me to work all day, go home, shower, then play all night. Now just walking the aisles of Wal Jack’s makes me light-headed. But as I often like to say, it is what it is.

No matter how put together we like to think we are. Inside there’s always something broken. My parents and grandparents often said, “tough it out and stuff it down”. And for a really long time that’s just what I did, stuff, stuff, and stuff some more. Until the box was overflowing. From that moment on, I was a walking time bomb just waiting to go off. It’s taken me the better part of 20 years to unpack that box. And sadly enough, I still got a lot more unpacking to do.

I don’t assume to till you I’m cured of anything. I still have bouts of panic and depression. My body runs on blood thinners, a-fib medicine, SSRI’s, and various other medications. One would think I’d just give up, and occasionally I do. But I suppose I’m too much of an asshole to give up that easily. Anyway, that’s pretty much what’s been going on lately. No stunning vacation photos to show you. No epic words of wisdom to share. Just a guy raised on the Westside of Chatham County, doing my best to survive.

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