Take Care Of Yourself

The Road Home

 

Once again another sleepless night confounds me; tensions of the day haunt my dreams. Leaving me restless and out-of-sorts, anxious and ready for change.

Usually before and after a major event, such as this surgery, I find myself searching for meaning, while at the same time putting up old habits that are my survival mode.

I wear a nearly impenetrable mask of this happy-go-lucky man who doesn’t have a care in the world. But just as in the distant past, the building of that wall eventually cracks and crumbles.

So I sit here with this weight once again, listening to wise words of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh about healing myself through a life in the present moment. Listening this evening to a friend nearly coming to tears about a past pain nearly brought me to tears myself.

I wanted to say words of comfort, but instead I sat there and gave them some compassionate listening. But through my own suffering, I found myself falling to old habits of self-defense and walled-up behavior.

Eventually I had to leave the conversation, excusing myself by being tired from this morning’s surgery. Which in essence was not untrue. But in doing so, I knew I wasn’t doing their pain any good. So you call that using wisdom, but it still didn’t do my heart any good.

When thinking back to my own situation, I really shouldn’t have engaged in any of the conversation, simply because I wasn’t really up to it.

Again, totally ignoring my priority of taking care of myself.

I don’t mean to make myself sound selfish, but without caring for yourself, how can you ever expect to take care of others?

 

#Worry #Anxiety #OldHabits #Exhausted #TakeCareOfYourself

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