Testify

This morning as usual I got up got dressed, took my daily dose of meds, and cranked up the old desktop. Being the egomaniac that I am I usually check my stats on the various webpages I manage. After that humbling experience, I then go to the Panic No More website to check in with my follow panic sufferers. Much like a drug addict or alcoholic, checking in at this site is like going to an AA meeting. I either post about how I am genuinely feeling at the moment or check-in and read how others are feeling.

I find that doing this is very therapeutic. Years ago when I went to a counselor she asked if I’d like to try going to group therapy sessions. For the longest time I resisted feeling that by keeping my problems to myself that somehow the sigma of would go away. But after my first session I discovered that I wasn’t alone. So while it took me many years to become completely open about my situation. Those first steps brought me to the realization that there is strength in numbers.

But often times when we have a problem with being open, we tend to bury our fears deep within ourselves. I don’t know if it’s pride or shame that causes this, all I do know is that ever since I’ve decided to be upfront about my mental health; I am able to deal with the situation so much better. It’s sorta like standing up in church and testifying. Where you allow yourself to speak honestly about your weakness and find strength in the fact that you all share a common bond.

Still you know how it is, you run into someone who’s swagger or bravado doesn’t allow them to show weakness. In their minds they believe the moment you show just a touch of vulnerability that they are somehow less than. I should know, because I get that way even now. The point I’m making is two-fold, first don’t think too highly of yourself so you don’t fall break completely. Second, there is strength in numbers and by understanding that vulnerability can be a unifier and not just a divider. That vulnerability isn’t bad thing; it’s the human thing.