Just Grey

Image by: FD Thornton - 2017

When you walk through an abyss of grey for as long as I had, you appreciate much more deeply color and sound. For a great deal of my adult life I was robbed of the simple joys of light, dark, and composition. But once I dropped my dependents on my chemical fix. The world became a wash again with color and sound. At first it was a bit overwhelming, much like being an infant again. Certain phases and certain patterns brought back such intense emotions. I’d cry at the drop of a hat to sad tunes or beautiful painting. All with the emotions I thought I’d lost and nearly forgotten decades ago.

I know my adult children may find my sudden appreciation for color and sound a bit strange. But when they were very young music and art filled our home. As the responsibilities of life pressed on and with our move away from familiar faces, the walls began closing in. The paradise I sought never came, and with each passing year it grew harder to move back home. So I became a prisoner of my own good intentions. And the dreams and talent I once had fell into disrepair. But deep within me despite whatever setback or bad situation, there glowed the slightest ember of hope. That no matter what, a time would come that I’d discover me again. That moment truly came laying in a hospital bed, wired for sound and clinging to life. It was at that moment I learned to let go.

  

In life if you’re lucky you’re granted a few epiphanies. For me the last one came in the form of a heart attack and the surgery to patch my broken heart. Physically the damage is done, but spiritually ​over the last two years it has been nice to get reacquainted with an old friend, me. So at this moment with the sound of beautiful music flowing through my ears, I’m writing again as I had so long ago. Only this time with even more intensity and passion, with more focus and vision, for what needs to be said. That life is more than just living, it’s about passion, and happiness, and love. Love for the world around you, love for family and friends, love for your passions, but mostly love for yourself. Because without that, anything else is just grey.