Never Let Yourself

FD Thornton - 2017

At this point in my life I should be satisfied with where I am and with what I am doing. But to be honest, my feet never seem to settle for long in one place. That may sound a bit contradictory considering I’ve lived in the same place 20 years. But when I say I never settle it’s more a spiritual than physical thing.

Ever since I started taking steps the better myself in the early 2000’s. Slowly but steadily I’ve been making progress towards becoming who I always knew I could be. For most of my life I wondered in a kind of desert. Simply going round in circles, never ending up where I thought I wanted to be.

This track continued right up till about 15 years ago, when I started to actually make head way towards becoming a better me. It basically began when finally​ I started achieving goals I set for myself and then it snowballed from there. The road hasn’t been straight and there have been plenty of setbacks. I suppose the real epiphany occurred in the late summer of 2015. There the world come chasing down and rebuilding itself at the same time.

Laying in that hospital for a week taught me so many lessons. I learned that sometimes you have to ask for help. That despite my best efforts, there were others I could depend on. And that death, a specter I feared for so long. Is really just a part of the journey of life, I no longer needed to fear.

Which brings me to where I am now. For the first time in a long time I’m happy. I mean really happy. I’m broke as a church mouse, I still have physical issues to put up with, but I’m doing something that I enjoy. That in return is helping to grow and expand my understanding even at 50-something years old. The creative flow in my life has never been so strong.

I suppose the moral of this tale is, never let the grass grow under your feet. Don’t be afraid to be wrong and never let yourself stop learning. Time is a gift, don’t waste it living a life less than how you want it.