The Things We Carry

I’m the first to admit I’m an asshole. I can be crass, insulting, and a jerk. But I believe people that know me also know I am loyal, sympathetic, and if don’t mess with you that definitely means I don’t like you. For those that get upset with my a crass and insulting ways I’m sorry. But I don’t plan on changing anytime soon. Growing up in a verbally and physically abusive environment, especially in my neighborhood and at school. You either grew a pair and toughed it out. Or you sank into the margins and fear everyone and everything.
 
I’ve had to do both. Over the decades I’ve swung in both directions with developing a thick skin and hiding in the margins. I have a hard enough time simply being around people. So maybe I should just shut up and keep to myself for a while. When people call me out and tell me they don’t like something about me. My first instinct is to close up and simply walk away. So that’s what I’m doing, walking away.

I learned a while back you can’t please everyone. I’ve also learned some people just are not who you think they actually are. I don’t mean this as a diss, I’m just simply walking away. While their feelings are important, so to are mine. I have nights where I don’t sleep because of outside influences. I simply can’t live that way anyone. There are times in your life when you have to be selfish. When backing down shouldn’t be an option. I maybe wrong about a lot of things, but some things are just too much to change.
 
Life hands each of us deep festering wounds. Some are simply too deep to overcome. For now I express my apologies and simply back away. What strains of sanity I have are not worth the fight. I’m too old and too frail to please every person I meet. Life is about doing the best we can with the good and the bad we carry. 

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