Not Worth A Damn


I sent most of yesterday troubled, stressed as it were by both internal and external forces. It seemed no matter where I turned, the relentless pressures, of the day were gathering around me. In those situations I usually have few avenue’s of escape. So I just end up laying here and waiting for the moments to pass.

Used to I was pretty good at ignoring these things away. But for the last few years my defenses have broken down and my once stoic attitude, now gives way to a more agonizing fear. A fear that when stoked hard enough has caused me physical harm.

It’s not worth a damn living under a cloud of fear. It destroys whatever confidence you may have built. It erodes away the life you are wanting for yourself and for those that depend on you. I suppose it is the few strands of stability I have left that help me carry on. But lately even those are straining under the pressure.

More than anything I feel tried and exhausted. My moments of strength and bravado are fewer and harder to maintain. So I rest in my own company, putting in a brave face, but deep inside I feel the erosion. I’m reminded how the face of the shore is in constant motion. That with the relentless tide and endless assault of water come change.

But the sand can only absorb so much till eventually the ground beneath your feet gives way. And so I stand on the shoreline nervously waiting for my demise. Still I breathe in the salty air and I’m reminded from where it is I come. And how the water calls to me. Reminding me change is inevitable and that life, no matter the struggle, carries on.

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