Always on my Mind/Value of Yourself

Lately all I can think about is a job. When I get up in the morning, when I go to sleep, even when I dream, I'm thinking about who to sent a resume to next. So far my track record isn't very good, of all the resumes, applications, and cover letters I have sent, I've only gotten a few replies for more information, one interview. And one half interview were I was the only one who showed up. As much as I'd hate to admit, this does take a toll on the ego, wallet, and lifestyle. Not that we lived like kings mind you, but it was nice to take your wife out every so often.   

Right now the things around the house are wearing a bit thin. Things like towels, clothes, teeth, all are in need of repair. I do thank God that no one has had to go to the doctor, my medicine cost enough as it is. So at this point I would work for food, if someone was hiring. Sometimes my mind wonders if I hadn't gone back to school, would I been able to find work? I mean my values wouldn't have been very high and I would have taken anything. Kinda like right now. 

So while I sit here and pour out useless thoughts to anyone who will hear. What is the value of a human? Is it my wealth? Is it what I leave behind? Or will it simply be the nutrients I leave in the ground? I guess much like everyone else I want to leave something. To leave this life better for those left. Will I be able to do that? Or is mine a life wasted? 

How all that ties into getting a job who knows? But it does wear on your value of yourself doesn't it?    

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fail-Safe

Image
Through the paper-thin walls of this old house, I can hear my neighbors getting ready for another day. Laying here remember when I used to do that, working at night so I could take care of the kids, while my wife went to work. Yesterday sorta marked a tipping point for me I suppose. I finally got my consultation with the gastroenterologist. So we are working the set-up some tests my primary care physician has been wanting for me to have for months. While I would love nothing more than to tell my PCP, “I told you so”. But I suppose knowing is better than not knowing. Although I do find some comfort in ignorant bliss.  I get the impression some people feel I am an optimist. But I like to think of myself more as a realist. What some may mistake as optimism is actually nothing more than analytics. Where I breakdown a given situation and create a solution. That may sound cold and frankly less romantic. But you must understand, after living so long in a void of no emotion (due to
Read more

Moments You've Lived

Image
It’s 5:15 in the afternoon and my stupid ass is back outside. I just checked the phone and it’s a balmy 90° with a feel like temperature of 99°f. I figured since I was hot in the room with the AC on, I might as well come outside and do same thing. Earlier I read a funny meme from my sibling on Facebook that read, “Can someone send me a hug?” copy and share. Rather sarcastically I replied, “We are not huggers , didn’t we grow up in the same house?” Probably no truer words have ever been spoken about our lives as kids. Oh, we weren’t beaten or overly abused, we were just not raised all “touchy feely”. Not surprisingly most kids of our generation weren’t raised that way either. We were provided for in our working class suburban homes. It’s just that a lot of time wasn’t devoted to things like feelings and emotions. You were expected to tough it out and swallow those tears. I guess one place where we could let our emotions go was church. Raised during the infancy of the “Pentecostal Moveme
Read more

Focus on Living

Image
Me and my bride just got back from the big store chain that doesn’t compensate me for mentioning them, so I won’t. Last night it was stuffy and hot with the temperature hovering around 80° at midnight. So I woke up dizzy with a headache. Even after dropping my morning meds, the headache and lightheadedness still hasn’t gone away. Long story short, after putting the groceries put up, I’m now sitting in the shade of the trees in our backyard. There’s not much to write about at the moment other than I also have an enormous crick in my neck. Which may go a long ways in explaining my dizziness. Still down the street a neighbor is getting their grass mowed. Our lawn was mowed Tuesday by Mr. Brown, with this being the first time I’ve been outside in a couple of weeks. Between the headache and the dizziness, there’s sharp pain is running down my leg again. Reminding me if nothing else most physical and some emotional pain will definitely teach you a little about patience. In bet
Read more