Saturday Breeze

I was sitting on my porch Saturday just rocking away in one of the rocking chairs out there. It was the afternoon but it wasn't too hot. The sky was cloudless and a slight breeze was blowing. It was a good day to be in the rocking chair. As I sat there with a bowl of tobacco and a cool drink, my mind thought over my situation. And, how for the last two years, I've felt both stagnate and flowing. 

 I let that thought only stay in my mind for a moment. Then went back to the steady rocking of the chair. I closed my eyes for a bit and, almost like a mantra, I let the rocking clear my thoughts and just be in the moment. 

 I wonder sometimes how others who I know or just observe get through a day. I say this because I see them literally running everyday. They are either running to work or running home or running to play. Always running, always moving. Yet I sit here thinking about them and wondering. Why?

 Despite my appearance and most peoples ill-thought out opinions. Many feel I don't take things too serious or that I'm simply stupid or lazy. Some feel that I mask over fear by being humorous only to keep hidden the idea that I hate myself. To be honest some of those things are true. 

 But what many don't realize is that I'm a work in progress. That I pretty much have a clear idea of my flaws and work to fix them. I feel that unlike many, I can improve and change myself. Now this isn't to say that some things others find as flaws, I find to be OK. 

 I also believe people don't realize is that I love to be challenged. I thrive on solving problems and handling crisis situations. Also I find that I'm easily bored, but love to know the inter workings of people I like. To ask questions and to really get to know how they really think and feel. To me, all these things make up the person who lives under their skin. These are a few of the things that make up who I am. It's just that over the years, I've developed a really thick skin that only a select few can deal with.

 Well, we started out on the porch watching and thinking. Then we cut the light on as to who I am, for a moment. You know it's amazing what a good rocking chair, a bowl of smoke, and a warm breeze will bring out of you. So good-bye, I got some more rocking to do.

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