Stories - FD Thornton

I am sitting in my office taking a break eating on a bag of popcorn (or at least what my daughter left me) listening to some classical music. While sitting here chillin’, I thought about some recent chooses I’ve been making about work, school, and life. Kinda asking myself, are these the right choices or are theses the choices I really want? You see, in life there are “the right choices” the ones that make sense. The practical choices you make every day that make things smoother or easier. Then there are the choices you want, the things that you are passionate about. The things that make your heart purr, while causing others to question your sanity. Those are the questions I’m considering.   For so long I’ve desired to live by my own terms a free spirit if you will. But for most of my working career I’ve taken the easy, smoother path, if for no other reason than to feed my family and support them. Now there is nothing wrong with that path, every child gets hungry and nee...

In life it’s good to know where you stand, by that I mean with other human beings. An example of what I’m talking about is take a neighbor or acquaintance that you causally communicate. You exchange “Hello’s”, or “Good Morning” or “How’s the family?” Nothing too serious just light conversation, in those situations you know where you stand with that person. Then you have people with whom you work or with family you stay in touch. In those situations how far is too far? I mention family in this because with some family there is so little communication, the family is more like strangers, to the point that you feel more comfortable in a strangers home then you would in theirs. In American culture or at least the part I live in, families seem to act like they can’t wait to get away from one another. When I was a kid it was nothing to load up the family wagon and visit Grandma or Uncle Buck and Aunt June for the weekend. But if you ever see how TV or movies portray this, you’d thi...

Sometimes I have just too much time on my hands or least that’s how it feels. Because when I look out my door it seems the world is speeding by at such a breakneck pace. Going so fast that I wonder if they have time to think or feel or are they only able to react to what they see. All day the song Lemon by U2 has been playing over and over in my head. Many feel the song is about Bono seeing his mother on film and that being only images he has of her. While I once remembered my mother quite vividly, over time the mental images fade to a deeper place a place where the images are replaced with emotions. How do these two things work together, I don’t know. All I do know is when you pull yourself back from the breakneck pace of life, things like time don’t matter. You see color clearer, you feel emotion deeper. It’s all in how you pull back on the reins of the moments we are losing.     

The idea for this title came to me after thinking about how some people never evolve or change. An example of this can be my own outlook on people with disabilities. Honestly I thought people with mental challenges were best left to do what they could and be cared for.  What I have learned is that while a person may have a mental or emotional challenge it doesn’t stop them from learning, developing, or evolving as individuals. That these individuals can contribute and offer all of us “normal people” insights into things we thought we knew. This is one of many things I’ve learned over my lifetime, so far.  I’m sure each one of us can name someone who over the years acts or thinks no differently than they did 10, 20, even 30 years ago. Now this isn’t to say that all values should change, what I’m saying is that some attitudes we held as a society in the past that need to remain part of the past.   A long time ago I decided to stop arguing with people I disagreed wi...

Yesterday wasn’t a good day for me. For one, I was carrying over some tension from a conference call a few days before. Then the realization that a new class was beginning this week (in a subject I suck at). Plus something I forgot to do sent my usually calm bribe into a tailspin (anyone have a spare doghouse). So to say by Saturday afternoon I was stressing would be an understatement. Around 10:30 I made it to bed (was definitely thinking of keeping one eye open). But around midnight a good old fashion anxiety attack happened. First thing I usually do is think I’m having the big one, so I chewed a baby aspirin and got up. More than anything at this point in my life, living with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) is a bitch, there’s no other way to color it. Other than the tightening of my chest, the irregular bowel movements, irrational thoughts, and just plain fear; I end up getting mad at myself for not fighting this better. But while searching the Internet of an answer (...

I’ve been writing under the moniker Life Beyond the Keyboard for a little over four years. And of the three or four fans I have that read my posts ( thank-you, by the way ) I’ve touched on a number of different subjects. I don’t know what it is that drives me to continue creating these posts. It sure isn’t for the fame and the money although the ads have made me about 2 cents so far, ( again thank-you ). I believe the driving force behind my obsession is simply to create . Ever since I was very young, I’ve love to hear stories. Rather it was my grandparents or just listening to the old folks conversate around the kitchen table, I love a good story. I believe it is that love of a good story and the gift of writing that forces me to tell my tales. Before the Internet, I focused my writing on poetry and music. Then as kids and the responsibilities of life took over, I abandoned the practice of writing. It wasn’t until my mid-forties that I took to a computer keyboard and start...

I recently told you that I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder. And among the things I write for on the web is a site dedicated to individuals with this same situation. Below is my most recent posting to that site. I thought that by reposting it here to a larger audience it may help someone who is silently dealing with the same issues I had for way too many years. Don't Suffer in silence.      Good Afternoon. Well so far today has been an interesting one. At the moment I'm coming off a whopper of an anxiety attack, so as my heart slows down and light-headedness eases. I find it oddly strange that I'm typing and thinking reasonable well. I guess after all these years of dealing with this thing; you sort of develop a funny relationship with the panic. It's like part of me says,  "Oh God! Not another panic attack!" , when another part of me is saying,  "Seriously, this again, really" , at the same time. Has anyone out there...

I woke up this morning with a definitive plan in mind, but as with all great plans things will go wrong. Well that was a number of hours ago and the project I had intended to start this morning as you see here is just beginning. But isn't that the way it goes with things. You start with a great idea, you plan how to carry out that idea, and then you execute the plan. But oh, how the wheels turn. It may begin with a phone call here or there. A decision is required for an earlier project you thought was done. Or my favorite, leave your name and number and I'll get right back with you. I used to say it's like, "getting a ten hour answer to say ten second question", sometimes it doesn't end. While distractions, interruptions, and just plain lack of understanding get in the way of so many good plans, it's the ability to remain focused on the end goal that is most important. In my business and public life, I tend to ramble. The number one thing that I...

Right now, I am one pitiful sight. I’m lying here with the laptop on my belly in my bummiest shorts and t-shirt with an ice pack on my forehead. I’d take a selfie, but that would be way too sad. But being the pitiful sight that I am at the moment, I’m still feeling pretty good.  To say I continually stay this way would be a lie, although I do wear ratty shorts a lot. What I really mean is my attitude. As I’ve mentioned on numerous occasions, I suffer from anxiety and panic. Throw in there my poor self-image and heightened health sensitivities, and at times you end up with a “pretty hot mess”. Needless to say perfection is not the first word I would use to describe myself.  So with those sad images plastered onto your minds (your, welcome), you would think I either mope around all day or live my life on auto-pilot as millions of others do. To that I’d have to say you’re partially correct. For a long time I lived my life on auto-pilot, and every now-and-then I do get mopey...

So far this work week things have been pretty productive. Sit through a couple of conference calls (without going to sleep) and have been working all day on establishing contact leads. So yeah, this week has been pretty good. The only problem for me is that I have been spoon fed so much self-loathing and self-doubt, that at some point I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  So in other words, when everything looks like a sure thing, somewhere in my mind I'm thinking, "this should be ending real soon." At this point you may think some positive  afformations could come in handy and I'm not saying that would be bad. What I try and remind myself of is that everyone goes through highs and lows. So enjoy the highs, but also recognize and learn from the lows. I hope you noticed I didn't say avoid them , just learn from them.  One of the best things I have learned recently is that life has a balance. The world can't run at high speed all the time and ...

Ever since we moved our family West some 21 years ago, we have been a bit isolated from friends and loved ones. While the move can be an adventure you still get a little homesick. But isn't that the way it's suppose to be, you leave your family and move on to stake your own claim in the world. Still it doesn't relieve the isolation you can feel.  Maybe it's just us? I mean it has been 21 years since we left Savannah, still at times it feels like another world. Maybe it's the death of my parents and my wife's mother that gives us this feeling of us against the world. Maybe it's just our personality types. Whatever way, even with four adult children, a sort-of-son-in-law, and a grandbaby on the way, you can still feel it's just you and the four walls.  I guess it could be the security, I mean most people at are age are settled secure with a mortgage, a little 401 K, and a plan for retirement. Hell, all I see is working till I drop dead with my dying wo...