Last Night Wasn’t Too Good


Last night wasn't too good; I woke up around 2 am with my heart just pounding having myself a pretty good anxiety attack. I call it that because I don't have panic attacks as severe as I once did, but they do still affect my day to day life. My attack was due to my worry about the current course I'm taking in school.

 As I lay in bed trying to chill with my thoughts running every was way through my head, yet again. But somehow part of my mind thought, "even if you quit school, yet again, where do you finally draw the line in the sand?" So despite the pressure I logged in to my school website and discovered that the very thing I was panicking about, a grade on a paper, I had made a perfect grade. 

 While I do struggle with this course, my average so far is around 87% which is definitely a passing grade. Besides this is the last regular course I'm taking, with the next course being my capstone that test and covers what I've already taken and passed
. 
 I guess my point is to say, if we allow ourselves to run it may be a quick fix, but does it really fix anything? If we can allow ourselves to face what we fear and not judge ourselves as being weak, every now and then we can surprise ourselves by making it through these things.
 
 But is surprised really the word we should use?  If you ever give yourself the chance, you may be impressed by the things you can do. So give it a try.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fail-Safe

Image
Through the paper-thin walls of this old house, I can hear my neighbors getting ready for another day. Laying here remember when I used to do that, working at night so I could take care of the kids, while my wife went to work. Yesterday sorta marked a tipping point for me I suppose. I finally got my consultation with the gastroenterologist. So we are working the set-up some tests my primary care physician has been wanting for me to have for months. While I would love nothing more than to tell my PCP, “I told you so”. But I suppose knowing is better than not knowing. Although I do find some comfort in ignorant bliss.  I get the impression some people feel I am an optimist. But I like to think of myself more as a realist. What some may mistake as optimism is actually nothing more than analytics. Where I breakdown a given situation and create a solution. That may sound cold and frankly less romantic. But you must understand, after living so long in a void of no emotion (due to
Read more

Moments You've Lived

Image
It’s 5:15 in the afternoon and my stupid ass is back outside. I just checked the phone and it’s a balmy 90° with a feel like temperature of 99°f. I figured since I was hot in the room with the AC on, I might as well come outside and do same thing. Earlier I read a funny meme from my sibling on Facebook that read, “Can someone send me a hug?” copy and share. Rather sarcastically I replied, “We are not huggers , didn’t we grow up in the same house?” Probably no truer words have ever been spoken about our lives as kids. Oh, we weren’t beaten or overly abused, we were just not raised all “touchy feely”. Not surprisingly most kids of our generation weren’t raised that way either. We were provided for in our working class suburban homes. It’s just that a lot of time wasn’t devoted to things like feelings and emotions. You were expected to tough it out and swallow those tears. I guess one place where we could let our emotions go was church. Raised during the infancy of the “Pentecostal Moveme
Read more

Focus on Living

Image
Me and my bride just got back from the big store chain that doesn’t compensate me for mentioning them, so I won’t. Last night it was stuffy and hot with the temperature hovering around 80° at midnight. So I woke up dizzy with a headache. Even after dropping my morning meds, the headache and lightheadedness still hasn’t gone away. Long story short, after putting the groceries put up, I’m now sitting in the shade of the trees in our backyard. There’s not much to write about at the moment other than I also have an enormous crick in my neck. Which may go a long ways in explaining my dizziness. Still down the street a neighbor is getting their grass mowed. Our lawn was mowed Tuesday by Mr. Brown, with this being the first time I’ve been outside in a couple of weeks. Between the headache and the dizziness, there’s sharp pain is running down my leg again. Reminding me if nothing else most physical and some emotional pain will definitely teach you a little about patience. In bet
Read more