Complacency

I usually think of myself as being fairly adventurous and loving a challenge. But honestly I’ve been questioning that idea simply because of how complacent I’ve gotten. Used to it wasn’t anything to hop into my car and go where ever. Now I avoid leaving home or just going to be going. While for me isolation can be quite suffocating, the friends I once had are now few and far between.

I’m sure it’s a side effect of my panic and anxiety but truthfully it’s not how I want to be. Inside while I still feel terror when going to new places. I long for new places and new challenges. It’s sort of twisted Jekyll & Hyde my mind plays with me. Some may ask, why don’t you just bite the bullet and go? While that may seem like the simple solution, in reality it’s a bit more complicated.

Anxiety can cause some powerful triggers to go into motion. It can cause confusion, disorientation, and make you believe far worse is happening then it really is. The first thing you want to do is run and a many a time I’ve done just that run. But sometimes even running isn’t a relief. There are times like this very moment I’m writing that I experience panic.

While at the moment the symptoms are mild, they are uncomfortable all the same. For me it seems simply thinking of the idea of pushing out of my comfort zone can raise my anxiety. This is all too familiar a problem for many, many people. But I guess I should count myself lucky simple because I am a functioning GAD. Not much different then a functioning alcoholic or drug addict. The type of people that can still function fairly well given the state they are in.

But is that really a way to live? Isn’t just functioning just half-living? You do enough to get by, but what about when you hit bottom? Isn’t functioning only putting off the inevitable? I know I’m not satisfied being this way, I could only imagine how an addict feels.

This conversation began with complacency, which still looks to be the question of the moment. Are you happy with where you are? I think I’ve answered that question extremely well. No, I’m not happy or satisfied. So where do I go from here? I mean 16 years is a long time living in panic. While I may not have the answer through all the solutions I’ve tried. At least I realize there is a problem and I’m tired of living under it. And from what I understand about addiction that is the first steps to recovery.

For some good information on panic and anxiety disorder checkout HealthGuide.org