A Long List


The sun has finally broke through after a cloudy morning. After lunch and a long nap, I got up feeling a little worse for wear. I’m running low on my anti-depressants so I had to cut down my dosage. So that may have something to do with it, but who the hell knows. I sit outside with my back towards the sun. My hands shaking like a feeble old man. It’s a funky little tick I’ve noticed just recently. So I guess I’ll just add it to my already long list of peculiarities. 

I’m doing my damnest to last at least a few more years. But my focus on life and death is driving my family crazy. But in a world so focused on itself why should my obsession be any different. In the years that I have lived it’s surprising I’ve made it this far. Between my self-hatred, and apparent desire for slow self-destruction, I often ask how did I get here? Without trying I seem to have achieved a dream of being slimmer. But even that along with a myriad of other goals has still left me unfulfilled.

So as I stare at the glass half empty, I can’t help but wonder, who out there is with me? On this long journey of self-discovery, that only leads to more questions. Or maybe I’m just talking out my ass without enough “happy pills” to get me through the week. I suppose I’ll never really know. Till then I’ll just sit here with the sun to my back, a breeze blowing across my neck, and a long list of particulars to keep.

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