I'm Right Here


After a couple of sleepless nights, last night wasn’t too bad. While I did wake up with a shout around 3am, I did eventually go back to sleep. Right now I’m outside enjoying a steady breeze, and listening to the birds carrying on a conversation. While the grass and tree pollen are in full bloom, I’m not worried about catching anything. Because a long time ago I learned to take mindful breaths and eventually flush out a lot of those toxic thoughts.
 
Other than a run on toilet paper and disinfectant at the local store nothing much has changed. I guess that’s because folks around here keep to themselves. But you will get some dirty looks if you sneeze. With this being allergy season, I’m sure the paranoia is going to be off the charts. Still I’m feeling pretty good mentally, while the world seems to be living in fear. Still under an abundance of caution, after my lawn got mowed, me and Mr. Brown simply exchanged waves.

But my point isn’t to discuss the virus and even the paranoia surrounding it. What I want to mention is the planting of fear. Not to make light of the current situation, but if we give in to hopelessness, it doesn’t solve a damn thing. Throughout my mental health struggles, hopelessness has nearly dragged me down several times. It wasn’t until a particular therapist asked me at one session, “Do you feel like passing out”? I replied enthusiastically, “Yes”! Then he calmly said, “Well then go ahead and just pass out”. You’re in a comfortable chair and besides I’m right here”. Those few words were the catalyst of my recovery. After 20 years I still think back on those words when fear and panic set in. Hey life isn’t perfect, shits going to happen. But life has to be lived and shared. So even if I’m having to share this with you online, the connection is there, and I’m right here. 

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