Dust on the Ground


 

After three days, I finally get to start my day with my established routine. I find that as a retired person who’s also a caregiver, it’s important to establish routines. If for nothing else, it keeps your own ass sane. My son and my wife already have their established routines down pat, with my wife going to bed at 9:00 every evening and waking up at exactly 7 a.m. Since both of them can fix their own breakfasts, my main job is logistics, paying the bills, and getting them from one place to another. Sprinkle in reminders to bathe, clean your room, and get ready on time—and you pretty much have my day.

Other than trying to keep my head on straight, I manage the pill dispensing, their doctor appointments, cooking most meals, taking them to get haircuts—you know, the usual stuff we take for granted. But after 39 years, it’s pretty much routine now. Of course, there are the setbacks, such as my time being in and out of the hospital or recuperating, and my own bouts with having a mental breakdown or ten. But so far I’m still standing, more or less. A bit weaker, leaning on a cane, and often lightheaded as hell.

But like I said, it’s routine that keeps the engine running. Even now I was surprised to see it was Friday already. Not that that means a whole lot to me anymore, but it was surprising. Thinking about all the writing I’ve done lately on caregiving, you’d think I’d be ready to change the subject. But the summer heat and my own exhaustion have kept me focused on it. I suppose I’m ready for a vacation, but the mental and physical exhaustion of traveling and moving about offers little comfort. I am definitely not the young person I was 20 years ago.

So what do you do? Escape into a book? Hell, reading tires my eyes. Take quick little morning walks? Even that pushes me to sheer exhaustion now. I suppose I’ll just write and carry on these little conversations with myself, 'til time stops running and I am nothing but dust on the ground.

#Melancholy #Facts #ThatsJustTheWayItIs #Awareness #Caregiving

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