Your Only Hope
It’s a bright, sunny 80°F outside this morning with a few thinly veiled clouds high in the sky. I woke up late to a shout from the new ice maker we had installed in our fridge.
Last night was not my best work when it came to sleep. I
woke up several times to all kinds of haunts going on inside my head. Many of
you who read my words see me as stoic and even-headed when it comes to life.
But what many of you may not realize is that deep in my memory, I am still
haunted by a past filled with fear and mental torment.
I understand the overuse of psychological terms today.
Concepts like trauma and PTSD are thrown around way more than they should be.
I’m one of the last generation that was told to “suck it up, buttercup” during
a crisis. But living for decades under the “physician, heal thyself” mentality,
the skills I often use sometimes just don’t work. So right now, I’m going
through a moment of anxiety and clinical depression, masking it all with that
same old stoic face I’ve used for decades.
But in this age of openness and exposure we are living
through, I am exposing all the hidden parts, telling you that the “everything
is fine” mentality isn’t fine. I’m working on it by holding a mirror to myself
and exposing the deep-seated pain my insides still hold. Maybe I could use a
little more therapy, but with the current climate of budget cuts, those
resources are all but gone around here.
So I’m left once again dealing with it myself, but with the
power of my platform and Zen. Exposing all this trauma to the light may once
again bring me to a place that no mumbo-jumbo praying through it or casting out
of spirits could ever do. So if you find my words offensive, I’m sorry. But
lost people need to hear the truth: that balance, self-compassion, and honesty
are your only hope.
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