Stories - FD Thornton

It’s just me and George in the late afternoon, he’s getting a little antsy waiting for his Momma to get home. He’s whimpering while looking out the window. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see any comfort in me. That’s because I’m the adult in the room, while my daughter is “Mommy”, the young and energetic one. All he gets from me is the occasional partner that tosses the tennis ball and puts him outside. You can’t blame me though, after all I’m a cat person; I find dogs to be too…needy. At the moment I’m reminded of the fragility of this life. The energy and endless possibilities of oneself we all carried and left behind to pursue life. I often joke (much to the horror of my family) about my warranty expiring at age 59. But I mean seriously, my parents didn’t leave me with much of a genetic legacy. But now at age 58, the shits getting real. At times like this, I feel like God’s paying me back for all the times I am a jerk (notice I didn’t say was a jerk). I suppose I’m payi...

In moments of awareness, time losses it’s meaning. Hours pass into seconds, seconds into days, days into minutes. To breathe in awareness is to see long buried truths, some good, some bad, but all necessary. Like the addicted making amends, I must forgive myself for being me, then the healing can begin. The peace I sought as a young man drifted through my fingers. So I searched for fulfillment in whatever straw I grasped. Seeing these things, I understand the denial, the escape we all search for. For true love comes from loving oneself. In dreams I see visions of lives past. Of ghost that teach me to this day from memories. A pitcher of tea sitting in the refrigerator. Two sisters dancing carelessly in thoughtless bliss. They all mean something to me. To the unwritten plan of life laid out before me. So I clear my mind: with no past, no future, only now. 

I often wake up in the morning, knowing “good an damn well” I got pills to take and testing to do. Yet I’ll lay right there and do nothing till I start feeling Ill. With my Type 2 diabetes, I’ll either ignore my morning test or worse yet not eat anything till I’m about ready to pass out. I’m not sure if it’s just laziness or lack of motivation make me this way. Or if it’s the lingering effect of my good-old self-destructive behavior. I suppose I should ponder these things and take appropriate action. Instead, I just chalk it up to having a bad day and let the shit go. Right now I got a lot of shit on my plate. So I’m giving myself a hard pass on the guilt and lofty expectations. Because I see people that push themselves hard to achieve a goals, only to be left disappointed time and time again. Listen I know how it feels to be disappointed. To reach out for the brass ring, only to get knocked off that horse. There’s nothing wrong with having goals. In fact I have achieve...

  I took a couple of days off, simply answering messages and editing some friend’s work. Sometimes inspiration comes to me in waves, other times it’s has to be forced out. One of the most fascinating things about telling stories are the responses I get back. It’s interesting to read the comments and see the points others pull from my words. When I first started publishing my stories publicly, I was so afraid other people would be critical of my words. And yes, there were critics that either disagreed with my thoughts or felt the need to correct my grammar. I first started publishing my thoughts on specialized forums like the mental health forum “Panic No More” and a student forum at the “University of Phoenix”. With each I gained confidence and grew as a writer. I then started a blog on “Blogger” (which is still there) back in 2011. Eventually there came the eBooks, then the paperbacks through Kindle Digital Publishing (available through Amazon). All the while working to build my b...

After three days of just miserable weather, we finally got sunshine. All be it, cold as hell sunshine. We long hadn’t gotten back from our daughter’s house. Unlike us our kids can afford heat and hot water. So ever few days we go over there to shit, shower, and shave; but not always in the order. Yeah we live a pretty rugged life, especially these last several years. But even before that, raising four kids on a working man’s salary was never easy. Being the sole breadwinner, decision maker, chief cook and bottle wash; did make for an exciting 30’s and 40’s age wise. But apparently, I made it and the family did too. All the kids made it through high school, a couple even graduated college, hell even our special needs son made through school. So the inconvenience of no hot water ain’t shit. Still we so often complain when the slightest inconvenience corners our lives. Sometimes they’re little things like the toaster quits working. Sometimes they’re big things like the truck...

It’s a little nippy this morning, but that’s because a steady breeze is blowing again. Listening to the wind rustling through the leaves, I’m reminded how lucky I am. I live in a quiet neighborhood, got myself a garden plot, and the rent's cheap. While I may not be able to afford hot water and the kitchen sink keeps stopping up. But the good usually balances out the bad most of the time.  I’m not much into religion anymore; but I do revere nature. While our cognitive minds may see unfairness and cruelty. Nature has its balance. Forest fires bring about new growth, floods often replenish ground water, and death often nourishes life. I used to see the world as a cruel and inhumane place. But in hindsight I now see the beauty and symmetry of it all. If anything, it’s the enlightened element of man that has thrown the world out of whack.  So as the wind brings about change, let us all be reminded. Balance works out itself in nature. But it is often the interference of ...

After a rainy night I got up this morning to a really beautiful day. I’m enjoying the outside while I can, Mr. Brown just drove by with his lawnmower so I’m sure he’ll be over here pretty soon. Meanwhile we got a steady breeze a going, I got the laundry on the clothesline, and I picked up the fallen limbs from last night’s storm. There ain’t much my mind right now, had a pleasant conversation with my adopted big sis last night. Catching each other up what’s going on here and back home.  So I don’t have any moral lesson or rant to speak of, I’m just sitting here grateful that I can enjoy the yard. Just watching the pollen fall from the trees, grateful that Mother Earth still shows us balance in an otherwise unbalanced world. But it’s easy to be reflective and grateful when the world is standing still. When all the busyness we create suddenly stops, and all we are left with is ourselves.  I can’t tell you how to spend your moments. I’m not going to beat you over the ...