Kinda' Sad, Kinda' Proud

As some may well know, I'm very close to my Graduation from college. For a number of years I tried to attend a few institutions in my area to get my degree. Through each of these schools I tried my hand at a few various degree programs, ranging from technical to medical. But for a really good reasons, I couldn't complete any of the programs I started. 


So for a while I allowed myself to believe that maybe I just wasn't good or smart enough to make it through college. But you know it kept nagging at me that I wasn't setting a good example for my kids. That is was not setting a good example for myself. You see, must of my life I've been plagued with the idea that I'm never good enough. If you really knew me you'd say, really? But it is very, very true. 


Anyway, back to my story. A little over 3 years ago I discovered the school I now attend. I attend this school as an online student. At this point the name of the school or even my degree program are not the point being made. The story here is why and the result of going back. At first it was a real struggle going to school even online. And yes, there were times I gave up and quit. But the point of all this is I didn't quit. I don't quit on my kids and I don't quit on myself. 


I've learned over the years that even though I'm learned about a business position and picking up a new life skill. I am learning so much more about the world and about me. In the past if some wonderful idea I had blew-up in my face I'd simple give up and crawl into a self-pity and self-loathing. Today I'm learning to do the best I can for myself and my family. And even though our world isn't perfect compared to others it just fine by use. Because we know that if you beat that rock long enough the damn thing's gonna break.  


You know, some cynical folks out there may say, "College is pretty expensive lesson to teach yourself." "Wouldn't you have gotten the same out of a self-help course or something?" "I know you would have come out a lot cheaper." My answer to that would have to be no. 


You see, I always knew deep down I could do whatever I set before myself. It's just that I let myself get in my way. It took making little goals like passing each course. To build up inside myself the knowledge that what I hoped is true was really true. 


So as I close out this long-winded puppy, I'm kinda sad and at the same time kinda proud. Knowing that the greatest personal adventure I've taken is about to close. Does this journey have to end. Hell No! It's only just beginning.     

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