Just Used To It

I don’t hear voices, I just feel emotions and I have dreams. Dreams that wake me up at night, dreams filled with conflict and stress. They leave my heart pounding, my nerves tangling, waking me from a sound sleep. But after decades of this, I suppose I’m just used to it. But that doesn’t make it any easier to live with
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Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder are a bitch, there’s no two ways about it. But I do what can to survive, which is all you can ask of yourself. 300 words aren’t enough to describe living with panic and anxiety. But my self-imposed isolation, walking mediations, and medication definitely help. Writing and being honest with myself are also weapons to fight this illness. Along with telling my story to others that need to hear it.

But the key to my survival is being proactive. Without waking up and fighting back, you aren’t going to make, it’s that plain and simple. Now I still have days where my head is buried under the covers. I still have days were I can’t leave the room. But then I also have days where I force myself through and I even have days where I feel normal.

Mental illness is making its way back into the headlines again. And over the decades I’ve personally witnessed the decline of mental health care in this country. But I’m one of the lucky ones, I got help when it was available. I was lucky to find the right doctors and therapists to get help. But what is available now isn’t enough. If we want to save ourselves from this mental health crisis; we need to pull our heads out of the sand and get people the help they need.