Place on Ourselves

I woke up with a shout again, fearing another 2 or 3am wake up call. But I was happy to see it was after 5:30am this time. The paranoia of my mental state, along with my broken body are definitely not a winning combination, especially when all I want is a goods nights sleep. At least this time I didn’t wake with the usual heart palpitations. Still I have moments of vulnerability when I worry and I’m sad that things are not going as planned.

Too often we want to paint a rosy picture of life when actually things aren’t that great. But I look out the window next to my bed and see the dawn peering through the blinds, and I’m reminded with each night, light eventually comes. What is life really, just a series of moments? Or is it our individual stories of how we maintain each other? I can’t pretend to know the answer to that. I am just one sad broken man struggling to sleep through the night. So why do I continue to speak as of I know some great secret.

Life is not just about survival, but about how we impact the world around us. Rather we like it or not, we have given ourselves a higher calling. We are more than just animals or machines. We have a greater impact than just being instinctual or programmed. We think beyond who we are with compassion and with hate. I don’t want fear and despair to rule my life like it has through the decades. I want to breathe and see the beauty around me. To plant seeds of good harvest and watch them grow. So what is failure, but a measurement we place on ourselves. That means little when compared to our impact on others.

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