Beneath the Surface

History it’s a tricky thing. The latest trend is “to live in the moment”. Now while it is very important to focus on living for today, we still have history and a story to either build upon or work to change. I know that in my life I have had moments that I’d just assume forget. But they are with me and I have to deal with them. Many of us like to whitewash the past with a fresh coat of paint, but in reality the stain is still there just beneath the surface.

I know that in my own life, I’ve tried to reinvent myself “nine ways from Sunday”. But each and every time it wouldn’t last for long. Because all I was doing was glossing over the things I actually needed to repair. No amount of affirmations or positive thought are going to fix abuse or poor self-esteem without a fair amount of self-repair. In my situation it involved learning to love the person I am at the moment, and working from there.

So many of us carry baggage that we didn’t ask for, yet here it is taking up too much space. Each and everyday I have to look in the mirror and deal with the person looking back at me. My initial reaction is usually the same, “Jesus Christ! Look at you.” But those are the seeds of my past (history) talking to me. The thing I have to do is accept that man in the mirror and let him know, I love him.

Being mindful means being aware. Every day some slur slips out my mouth about myself. I’ll make a mistake and call myself, “Dumbass” or “You idiot”. It may seem harmless, but to a soul who was verbally abused. Those words water seeds of low self-esteem. The secret is to embrace the hurting child within us and say, “It’s okay, I love you”, then move on from there. Life puts enough road blocks in our way as it is. To unblock your path you must work to move the obstacles, with both compassion and awareness.


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