Margins

Image: Sandra Burnsed
Ever felt like you were wearing a Scarlett Letter? That you would have to go through life with that target on your back. For a really long time I have felt that way. All my life I’ve felt like I was looked at differently. That the eyes of the world looked upon me with contempt and superiority. It’s a hard feeling to shake especially when you were constantly told you were never good enough.

Every so often when I had the courage to put myself out there. The slightest remake or critical comment would send back down the rabbit hole of self-hatred. You feel so marginalized. And even when you are praised, the thought of it tastes like a bitter pill.

Self-hatred and fear are things that are not easily shaken. The very act of rejection is a burning blow, when given to a social animal like us. Some of us will lash out in hate and anger, but the majority of us simply cower in a corner. The only thing I can tell you is that we are all worthy of love. That jealousy, envy, and bravado are just water for the seeds of self-hatred.

The key for me has been learning to accept myself. To understand what my weaknesses are and to work accordingly. Take each day as it comes, give yourself time to be mad and frustrated, and allow yourself to even have a pity party. The thing is you do not have to be destined to a life in the margins. Be patient, live in the moment, and know you are worthy of love.

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