If Not

I don’t know rather you noticed it or not, but I’m in my own backyard. Not much of a view, but it bets living packed like a sardine with a six-foot fence blocking the view. Hadn’t had much to say lately, but maybe that’s a good thing. Been under the covers most of the day, I suppose I should have taken advantage of the sunshine. But my head and gut had other plans. I noticed that happening more and more lately. Maybe it’s because of the new routine, maybe it’s just a phase I’m going through, or maybe it’s some new kinda blues.

Whatever it is I don’t like it. It’s pulling me out of my comfort zone and not in a good way. I don’t mind life handing me some funk every now and then. But this shit been going on far too long. Funny how you can make plans and dream dreams, but there’s only so much disappointment one can take. I wish I could be a bit more “cheerier” about this. But the cold wind blowing across my hands drains the optimism I usually feel in my soul.

I was always told; age brings with it a certain amount of patience. Well at the moment patience feels like a shackle tied around my neck. As my skin grows thinner, so too does my ability to wait. I see you in my mind’s eye, suffering the same fate. Lost somewhere between a call to duty and the desire to be happy. So while the consequences of our actions weigh on our souls; we ask ourselves, when is it going to be my turn? Fate and desire make for certain outcomes, but eventually Karma has to even out the mistakes we’ve made. If not, then all is lost.