What Keeps You Up?

I'm not one with great sleeping habits, as my wife can attest. No matter the hour I go to bed 10, 11, or 12 pm, I usually pop right up around 3 to 4 am. This doesn't mean I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed ready to go. It just means for whatever psychological / biological reason I simply wake up. 

 Tonight being no different than any other here I am at 3:29 am wide awake. Usually I've settled to make practical use of my time by reading or checking the news on my tablet. But tonight seemed to be special due to my anxiety being up a bit and my body refusing to let me relax. 

 It's funny how this thing works , while I may have read up on all the latest about a particular thing I suffer from and have tried out the latest methods of treatment. It still doesn't prevent the condition from sometimes dominating your life. By that I mean, my heart can get a bit racy and a part of my mind starts running all the worst case scenarios it can. Still I know what's going on, it's my anxiety driving that little gland near the bottom on my brain into overdrive.

 Yet being equipped with all this knowledge, relaxation techniques, and medication, here I lay typing at 3:43 am. So what do you do? Please, don't flood my email account with the latest and best treatment options or graduate to a higher calling of handing out spiritual advice. I've been dealing with this since 1999 and believe me I could write a book on my adventures. 

 One thing I will say has been the most freeing thing to my situation. Deciding to be honest with myself and my family that as a husband and father I can't do it on my own. Being honest about my limits hasn't been the easiest thing to do personally or professionally. But it does let the air out of the elephant in the room.

 So I guess the question now has to be, what keeps you up? I guess I can take comfort in the fact I know what does. Good Night.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fail-Safe

Image
Through the paper-thin walls of this old house, I can hear my neighbors getting ready for another day. Laying here remember when I used to do that, working at night so I could take care of the kids, while my wife went to work. Yesterday sorta marked a tipping point for me I suppose. I finally got my consultation with the gastroenterologist. So we are working the set-up some tests my primary care physician has been wanting for me to have for months. While I would love nothing more than to tell my PCP, “I told you so”. But I suppose knowing is better than not knowing. Although I do find some comfort in ignorant bliss.  I get the impression some people feel I am an optimist. But I like to think of myself more as a realist. What some may mistake as optimism is actually nothing more than analytics. Where I breakdown a given situation and create a solution. That may sound cold and frankly less romantic. But you must understand, after living so long in a void of no emotion (due to
Read more

Moments You've Lived

Image
It’s 5:15 in the afternoon and my stupid ass is back outside. I just checked the phone and it’s a balmy 90° with a feel like temperature of 99°f. I figured since I was hot in the room with the AC on, I might as well come outside and do same thing. Earlier I read a funny meme from my sibling on Facebook that read, “Can someone send me a hug?” copy and share. Rather sarcastically I replied, “We are not huggers , didn’t we grow up in the same house?” Probably no truer words have ever been spoken about our lives as kids. Oh, we weren’t beaten or overly abused, we were just not raised all “touchy feely”. Not surprisingly most kids of our generation weren’t raised that way either. We were provided for in our working class suburban homes. It’s just that a lot of time wasn’t devoted to things like feelings and emotions. You were expected to tough it out and swallow those tears. I guess one place where we could let our emotions go was church. Raised during the infancy of the “Pentecostal Moveme
Read more

Blowing Breeze

Image
It’s later in the afternoon so I decided to take advantage of the lighter humidity and come back outside. There’s a lite breeze blowing so while the gnats are still out, at least they’re having to put in some extra effort to lite on me. You can still smell where the grass got cut this morning, but sadly the faint scent of BBQ from the restaurant down the street is gone.  The poor old sycamore tree leaves look a bit sad. Hanging like they’re on their last leg from the limbs. There’s no point in bringing up the fig bush/tree, it’s all but shed most of its leaves. It’s hard to believe that just a few months ago both plants were vibrant and green, with a bountiful crop of figs. But the birds have mostly abandon their nest in the fig branches. With the kids grown and the shade and food supply dried up, I can’t say I blame them.  But I’m the human here, I’m adaptable with opposable thumbs. I can’t move on as easily as the birds. My so-called cognitive reasoning insist I stick aro
Read more